Saturday, October 23, 2010

I Have Returned

With Toes finally flittering off to Chicago for that new job opportunity as Chicago's dog catcher, Big Guy finally had the confidence to pull my screens off the shelf and have me reassembled for today's press conference.

So, what's been going on? Did I miss anything?

I heard there was an election, though nobody around here is talking much about it anymore. The last person who said anything was our national security adviser Jim Jones. A couple weeks ago we were in a staff meeting with Big Guy and talking about the election and Jonesy said, "There's no way the people of Delaware would elect someone who they barely know and with almost no experience. I mean, who the hell gets elected like that? It could just drive the country into a ditch." Big Guy's eyes started to well up and next thing I hear, Jonesy is headed off to spend more time with his family.

I'm looking over today's remarks by Big Guy, and they are actually pretty brief and to the point. Basically, the words, "Be humble ... the American people have spoken ... be humble ... the American people have spoken ... will just scrolling across my screen.

Really, whatever He says isn't that big a deal, since we aren't sticking around to see how it all plays out. Big Guy, Lady M and the rest of us are headed for an exotic spa weekend to India, where he's rented out the entire Taj Mahal Resort for all of us as kind of a morale builder and to take a break from all the golf we've been playing. Big Guy wishes that he could bring a lot of the unemployed Americans with us to boost their spirits, too, but maybe we can send them each a post card so they can experience this trip vicariously through us. Man, I wonder what a hotel that costs us $200 million a day looks like. I hear all the minibars have unicorns that crap candy and rainbows on an hourly basis.

Of course, it isn't going to be all mud baths and papaya facials. He'll be making a speech, too. But unlike just about everything else, we aren't going to be outsourcing this project. There can be no mistakes; it's too important to the people of India. And besides, this Presidential gig isn't going to last forever, and a guy who can read his lines flawlessly off a screen probably has a pretty good future in Bollywood.


  1. Glad to see you back thought that maybe you were just tweeting.

  2. So what TP , did you do to get locked in storage for five months ? There must have been a misunderstood misprint / statement that left you disconnected , and maybe a scapegoat .That may be on that Indonesian menu BTW .

    Just last week TP , at , ahem , another site this following was overheard from Suzy Q .
    I thought you might enjoy the gag ......

    I too winced when Obama said " pun intended"
    ( about the words " Heck of a Job " )wondering what he intended ! Oh, my. TOTUS has such a big job on his STANDS .( emphasis mine ) .

    Or perhaps you missed her note below where she noted ...." So. TOTUS, DearS, you both are just going to just STAND there and let Vice President Mondale insult you like that?

    We missed you Totus w your ramrod posture ,trim figure , and all that electromagnetic luminosity that you radiate .
    Let that light shine upon us again .

    Most here will stand w me on that .

  3. Here, here! Glad you are back, TOTUS. Figured you might have a little something to say today. You got us through some tough times back in the day when big guy first sauntered up to your screens. He has to adjust to a new reality now. It would be great to get your play by play as it goes down.

    Did you notice he didn't do that slow, cocky hip hop walk today when he came up to speak? He seemed in a bit of a hurry to just get through it, sort of resigned to read and run. Hey, it's a start. Does this mean the beginning of the end of the seemingly endless speeches?

    You wouldn't get all the usual camera time, of course, but the end of Big Guy's speechifying and the repeating of those worn phrases and insults aimed at conservatives would just add another layer of awesome to the huge smackdown that just took place. Plus, you might have more down time at the gym that way, and you wouldn't even have to worry about running into Rahm in the locker room. Things truly are lookin' up!

    Glad you're back!

  4. Yeah, there's a new prime time opening at MSNBC for a reader.

    Missed ya Buddy.

  5. Congratulations on being the first teleprompter ever used in Indian Parliament! Your mother must be so proud.

  6. I know how upsetting it must be. Someone loads a party speil for the lecture to the press and they seek out a scape goat. I know that dusty closet was dark and cold. I am glad to see that the sick light of blame is being aimed at Rahm instead of you. BTW, do you speak Hindi?

  7. TOTUS, Dear, I am so glad you've returned. Like a bad boyfriend most of us will forgive your 5 month rebuff toward your loyal readership.


    I strive to comprehend certain inconsistancies. I wonder about this first postage of yours since June 3rd being dated October 23rd yet it referenced the Nov 2nd election smackdown. Que paso? and bless your heart.

  8. Oh TOTUS, I was so afraid "they" had given you a lobotomy or you had shut down like HAL. OH, I forgot, you are probably too young to remember 2001: A Space Odyssey, or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Anyway, I'm so glad you're back!! Can't wait to hear about the rest of your travels (travails??)

  9. Glad to have you back. Been hearing nothing but "Hostage" coming out of Dimrats mouths, help, my ears are bleeding!

  10. Been hearing nothing but "Hostage" coming out of Dimrats mouths, help, my ears are bleeding!

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