Monday, November 22, 2010


Big Guy came into the staff meeting this morning with big news. He said he'd been talking to Toes's brother, Ari, who is a big-wig entertainment lawyer out in Los Angeles, and it got him to thinking. Why can't our White House be more like Hollywood, especially since he's a bigger movie star than most movie stars, Big Guy wondered.

So the logic goes, since the first couple years of our administration hasn't played as well as we would've like, why don't we reboot the whole thing? And who better to re-boot a failed franchise than the guy who everyone in Hollywood uses as an example of how to reboot stuff?

That's right. Big Guy is going to announce that he's appointing Christopher Nolan as his new chief of staff, pending his availability due to his shooting schedule for the next "Dark Knight" film. This, will, of course, mean a darker, grittier White House than the one most folks are familiar with. No more sunny garden shots. And Big Guy is going to have to drop his voice about four octaves, but he's willing to stretch as an actor to get this role just right.

The only person unhappy with Nolan's appointment is Lady M., but that's just because we'll be shooting in hi-def and IMAX, which adds an extra five pounds on to the ten the camera already piles on. And in her case, she fears it'll all be in arms.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Mumbai-bye Baby

Well. it's been an awful lot of fun here in Mumbai. Big Guy and Lady M just danced and danced and danced, and that was just on the flight over here from Washington. Some of us, who were a little more subdued given the lashings voters gave our team last Tuesday, thought may it was kind of like delayed stress being released. Now, after watching the two of them boogieing down the hallways of Air Force One, I'm wondering if they just don't care and are just happy to be along for the ride ... literally.

Then, when we hit the ground in Mumbai, there was more dancing to be had because of the religious holiday, Diwali. Big Guy knew all about this holiday, not because he's particularly attuned to Hindu customs - Muslims hate the Hindus, or so he says - but because he said he'd been heavily briefed on the issue. Which explains this video link I found on his laptop, and also explains why he didn't get in line at the Diwali potluck at St. Xavier University.

I blame off this confusion, and the bloated cost of this trip, on the lack of a White House chief of staff. I hate to say this, but since Rahm left, things have just been chaos. And the fact that Big Guy just let the IT guy move into Toes's office just shows how crazy things have been around here. I mean, with Pete sitting in there, he never uploads my software upgrades and my screens on this trip have been getting a lot dirtier, what with everyone wanting to touch me given my celebrity status.

The highlight of the trip for Big Guy wasn't really a highlight at all, but it just shows how out of touch he seems to be with what's been going on. Given the amount of development going on in India, global warming is actually viewed as a good thing, particularly since no one wants to tell one of the poorest countries in the world that it's not allowed to build up its economy by polluting the air, water and building stuff as fast as it can. So when a little girl at a development held up a picture she'd drawn of a growing Indian village, he saw a windmill and an eco-friendly town. When reporters looked at it, it was a giant daisycutter taking out trees, and villagers building an office park for outsourcing American jobs.

We'll be headed to New Delhi next, and spend the next few hours rehearsing our big speech there. Unless Big Guy stages a Hindu Halloween on AF1 tonight.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I Have Returned

With Toes finally flittering off to Chicago for that new job opportunity as Chicago's dog catcher, Big Guy finally had the confidence to pull my screens off the shelf and have me reassembled for today's press conference.

So, what's been going on? Did I miss anything?

I heard there was an election, though nobody around here is talking much about it anymore. The last person who said anything was our national security adviser Jim Jones. A couple weeks ago we were in a staff meeting with Big Guy and talking about the election and Jonesy said, "There's no way the people of Delaware would elect someone who they barely know and with almost no experience. I mean, who the hell gets elected like that? It could just drive the country into a ditch." Big Guy's eyes started to well up and next thing I hear, Jonesy is headed off to spend more time with his family.

I'm looking over today's remarks by Big Guy, and they are actually pretty brief and to the point. Basically, the words, "Be humble ... the American people have spoken ... be humble ... the American people have spoken ... will just scrolling across my screen.

Really, whatever He says isn't that big a deal, since we aren't sticking around to see how it all plays out. Big Guy, Lady M and the rest of us are headed for an exotic spa weekend to India, where he's rented out the entire Taj Mahal Resort for all of us as kind of a morale builder and to take a break from all the golf we've been playing. Big Guy wishes that he could bring a lot of the unemployed Americans with us to boost their spirits, too, but maybe we can send them each a post card so they can experience this trip vicariously through us. Man, I wonder what a hotel that costs us $200 million a day looks like. I hear all the minibars have unicorns that crap candy and rainbows on an hourly basis.

Of course, it isn't going to be all mud baths and papaya facials. He'll be making a speech, too. But unlike just about everything else, we aren't going to be outsourcing this project. There can be no mistakes; it's too important to the people of India. And besides, this Presidential gig isn't going to last forever, and a guy who can read his lines flawlessly off a screen probably has a pretty good future in Bollywood.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Do I Have a Job Offer for You ...

Yes, it's true. In an effort to complicate matters for Senate Republicans last January, I did offer their Teleprompter a job in Big Guy's administration. Today, their regular Teleprompter is working with our ambassador to UNESCO in Rome. It's such a cushy job, I don't think he's had to scroll text in close to 18 months.

Look, have you seen the unemployment numbers lately? They suck. Everyone is looking for work. Now, granted, all of the people and machines who were offered jobs were already working. But you see, by taking the Administration job, we'd be opening up another job for someone else. Big Guy says this is how the free market works, or at least the one he understands.

This is really no different than how Big Guy got into politics. See, the state senator he wanted to replace died suddenly in a Chicago auto accident, and Big Guy was lucky enough to get the gig. You know, right place, right time. In fact, this happens a lot where we come from. Maybe this is just a midwestern cultural misunderstanding.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Vacation Time

As Nobel Prize-winning Big Guy will tell you, and Nobel Prize winning Secretary of Energy Steven Chu will confirm, award-winning administrations need down time to keep their edge.

That's why the Obama Administration has a hard and fast rule we like to call the "20/20."  You put in 20 hours of work a week, you deserve 20 hours of vacation time to recharge.

But there seems to be some confusion about our policy.  A lot of people have been noting, for example, that today, BO stayed three hours in Louisiana to look at the oil spill, but then tomorrow will spend 5 hours on a golf course in Illinois.  It doesn't add up, they say.

Well, if they'd won a Nobel Prize, they would understand that 3 hours in Louisiana dealing with a mess that was really the fault of the Bush Administration for being elected ten years ago, counts as more than 10 hours in Obama time.  That, and we add an extra hour because he couldn't use me on the beach for opening remarks. And another hour because he got his hands dirty ... literally. Oil just doesn't wash off with soap and water, you know. It takes some time, and effort.

See, this if more Americans won Nobel Prizes, you'd all have a much better understanding of the way Big Guy works.  And that whole deficit thing would make a lot more sense, too.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Out of Thin Ayres

I should be clear that Bill Ayers and I go way back. Oh, not so far back as you can tie me into his domestic terrorism days. But back far enough that my keyboard was used fairly extensive by him in writing Big Guy's first book, "Screams of My Father."

What's that? Oh, right. Well, that was the title Bill wanted. I guess he was working through some issues. Okay, let's face it, the man was deranged. But now he's been rehabilitated, in large part because he's a doppelganger to the leader of the free world.

Back then, we kind of tolerated Bill, who now goes by William, and we didn't have much contact with him until recently. But now I have to say I'm a bit peeved. See, I was supposed to appear on Robert McChesney's radio show, "The Bobbie McChesney Marxist Minute", which airs on NPR stations around the country, and which is produced in McChesney's bomb shelter out in rural Illinois somewhere. But he bumped me for Ayres, who now has - really - a cartoon book about how to teach radical politics to students.

I mean, you can't make this kind of thing up. Well, unless you're Bill Ayres and you're writing a biography about an obscure Illinois politician with a largely undocumented life.

Operation Over-Lording

I can't believe that someone let the cat out of the bag and leaked the fact that Big Guy was going to be running against former President George W. Bush in 2010. We were hoping to keep it a surprise, like D-Day or the sexuality of Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan.  Now everyone knows.

Axe and Toes say that running against W is genius, and that the American people won't bother to notice that the former President has been out of office for, oh, 18 months. Or that the only things you could really blame on him were his failure to clear all of the mesquite off the 20 acres toward the southern edge of his ranch in Texas, and that he turned the manuscript for his book into Random House 18 hours late.

I don't know how you blame10% unemployment, 12 trillion in new national debt, an increase in attempted terrorist attacks on U.S. soil, snickering about our failed foreign policies from our allies in Europe, and being a wholly owned subsidiary of China in less than a year in office, on President Bush. 

But if there's a guy who can pull it off, it's our guy.  But don't tell him I told you so.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Visiting the Rust Belt

Big Guy and I had a lot of fun visiting the University of Michigan over the weekend. It's always nice to get out of Washington, with all the negativity that surrounds us here.  Then again, it seems just about everywhere we go there is negativity. Frankly, Big Guy doesn't get it.  Like he reminds all of us when we get down about the polls and the protests and the legislative losses, "Hey, America knows what it was getting ... well, except for the socialism and the debt, but whose fault is that? It's not like Rush Limbaugh wasn't warning them."

But up in Ann Arbor Big Guy really gets recharged. Back in the day, when Big Guy was nothing more than your run of the mill street-wise community organizer, pulling down a few grand a month from his ACORN grant, we'd travel from Chicago up there to Ann Arbor for long weekends hanging out at the U of M Alinsky chapter house, hazing recruits and giving the occasional lecture over the din to "The Nationale," which was played over and over again to keep our spirits up. Good times, Good times.

But you know, this was a bittersweet return for us.  The kids just don't seem to get it. They want jobs, and a future, and Big Guy just isn't into all that right now. He was more concerned about killing the other night in front of our friends at the the White House Correspondents Dinner, and making Jay Leno look like a douche. And this is really the problem.  How can Big O really focus on influencing the next generation, when he has to focus on day to day stuff.

Like an oil spill. This thing is really becoming a headache. Oh, not because of the toll on the Gulf Coast economy or the environment or the people. But because of the term, "Oil Spill."  Last month, when Southern California got hit by that earthquake, BO and Axe and Toes got lucky. They just changed the name of the location where the earthquake took place from MexiCali Fault to Bush's Fault, and the problem just went away.  But this oil spill deal is a real challenge, because none of us can figure out a way to change the term from "Oil Spill" to something with Bush's name in it.

As Axe noted, we have a few million left from the stimulus package, so we're going to hire some unemployed Hollywood writers full-time over at Commerce, whose job is going to be to figure out clever ways to work Bush's name into all of our national emergencies. We figure that should get us past the 2010 election cycle, and by then the economy will be going so good, no one is going to care any more anyway.

Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm Back

My apologies for being out of the loop for the past month. You see, there just wasn't much to joke about. Oh, I suppose I could've tried to make light of health care "reform." But what's the point of that? And easy Rahm jokes? Nah. I'm better than that. To be sure, Big Guy has been using me at every turn. And, oh, I have stories to tell. But we have plenty of time to catch up.

The big news over the weekend is that Big Guy had to cancel his summer vacation to Scottsdale, Arizona. He'd really been looking forward to playing golf out there for a few days. But given this "misguided" immigration law that was enacted, he says he doesn't feel comfortable going out there, what with his not having a birth certificate and all ... I mean, the original of his birth certificate. Oh, you know what he meant. He has a valid birth certificate ... as far as you know.

The other big news around here that has a lot of us nervous is what is happening with Goldman Sachs. I saw this one coming, unfortunately. For weeks, Big Guy was just railing against the investment house. He wasn't happy that Goldman wasn't hiring enough of our friends, so of course his order to "make them pay," steamrolls into a major Securities and Exchange Commission investigation, Congressional hearings and a media firestorm.

But now that we've created this mess, we're in a tight spot. See, Big Guy and Timmy Geithner say that Goldman Sach's greatest crime was betting against the American economy. The problem is, if that's the crime, just about every member of Big Guy's administration is guilty; it's going to be one hell of a frog march.

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Inside Dope

And by "dope" I don't mean information. I don't know who's leaking, but this kind of accurate re-creations are just killing us. Take a look.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I Feel Dirty

Of course, there has been a lot of talk over the past couple of days about now-former Rep. Eric Massa's revelations regarding Rahm's bathing habits. Toes has been denying it with a knowing grin, but frankly, anyone who knows him knows that when he gets a raging ... well, you know what I mean. Based on what I've experienced, this video re-enactment is pretty accurate

Back when this administration started - boy it seems like four years ago - Toes and I had to bunk down together for a few weeks. And in that time, I had to deal with "Full Frontal Rahm" on quite a few occasions.

There was the time I forgot to put the seat down on the toilet. And the time I didn't make the coffee before I hopped into the shower. Or the time he walked in and the shower curtain was entirely inside the tub. And it wasn't always in the bathroom, either. There was the time the TV remote fell between the sofa cushions and he couldn't figure out how to play his DVR'd episode of "The Ellen Show." I wondered why he was naked for that, but then was just glad that in most cases, when he confronted me in our bathroom, my screens were still fogged from the steam.

In the end, I figured it out and everyone needs to put all of this naked Rahm raging into context: Toes just feels more natural without his clothes on. And while he claims there is an intimidation factor to all of this, trust me, if folks weren't so stunned and were paying attention, they'd see there wasn't much to be intimidated about.

Monday, February 22, 2010

And then ... he turned the water into wine ....

Sunday, February 14, 2010

True Romance in the White House ...

It's Valentine's Day, and here at the White House, it's just been a great day.  Big Guy had custom made heart candies made, you know the kind, hard and chalky with little engravings on them?  The ones he gave himself say things: "You Are the Best!"  "You're Spicy!" "World Hearts O."  You get the idea. And he's been sitting in the Oval most of the day reading the "Captain America" comic book that features him in it, and reading the sayings to himself before he pops them into his mouth. It's kind of cute, and for a change, he isn't reading those messages off my screen, so it's kind of a day off for me.

The candies Big Guy gave us are a little different.  They're all the same flavor, you know the pale yellow kind that don't taste like anything, and they say "O Loves U Back."  Rahm seemed kind of pleased with his little box of the yellow hearts, but others weren't so happy. It was obvious Big Guy hadn't spent much time thinking about what to give to everyone, and all the women in the office are standing with their backs against the wall every time Big O walks by. 

Michelle wasn't particularly happy either, but not because of that. Last Valentine's Day, you'll recall, Big Guy took her on one of those opulent date nights that cost taxpayers a half a million dollars, with no share of the happy ending.  This year, Big Guy didn't think he could risk the overnight trip to Paris he'd promised, so he made her a Valentine's Day card out of a bunch of scrap paper he found sitting on his desk.  He worked on it really hard, and had Biden and Gibbsy help him with the gluing, and Bruno with the aluminum foil and sparkly stuff they added for that extra "wow" factor.

Lady M thought a Valentine made from the latest national debt statistics kind of cheapened the whole day; Big Guy disagreed since he said it told her he loved her more than spending. I think it just goes to show that they deserve each other.  So, Happy Valentine's Day everybody.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Let Me Be Clear

That title isn't a request, like, "Let my people go."  I actually am clear.  Crystal, to be precise, largely because of Van, my federal-government employee detailed to keep my screens as clean as possible.

Van -- or the lack of Van -- is just one the problem I have with this chart over at Pajamas Media (and pictured nearby). I mean, couldn't be more inaccurate if they used Timmy Geithner's statistician over at Treasury. 

First, they don't even bother to include Van in the process. He cleans my screens about four or five times a day. I think his salary is in the G-14 band, so about $112,000 a year. To not include him, but to put the Diversity Czar in the middle of it all is insulting.

Second, given the fact that Big Guy can't pronounce "Corpsman" properly, I'd expect PJ Media to understand there is no "Phonetic Spelling Transcription Specialist." Heck, if there was, we wouldn't need Bill Burton and Gibbsy and that English-to-English dictionary they pore over every morning, which we got for the government-low-rate of $10 million via White House requisitioning, by the way.

Third, they completely missed the "Fluffer" position in between the "Guy Who Makes 'Wrap Things Up' Gestures" and "Rahm Emanuel."  Frankly, it's the only way we can get Toes even moderately interested in anything Big Guy says any more.

Finally, that picture of me makes me look fat.  I demand an apology. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Of Gibbsy's Hand Job and Other Slights Perceived and Otherwise

So everyone was talking about how impressive Gov. Sarah Palin was speaking off the cuff and off her hand the other night.  Big whoop.  It may be true that any intelligent and well seasoned politician can speak that way from a few notes and nothing more.  But it takes a true leader to speak every word scrolling across a screen, unafraid to reveal his incapacity to "ad lib." At least that's what Rahm was telling Big Guy to get him to come out from under the desk to rehearse his morning banter with me before breakfast this morning.

Everyone is joking about the Palin hand notes. I, for one, don't find any of it funny; in fact, I think it's kind of demeaning.  Not to the Governor, but to me.

So Gibbsy thinks it's funny today to walk out to the press corps (pronounced "corpse" here at the White House now).  He flashes his two notes on his hand, and then hears the groans from the reporters.  Nice. Once again, Gibbsy shows that he can never intentionally be funny.

Everyone is asking me why Big Guy doesn't use his hand when he speaks, since I have become such a running joke for him.  Think about it, how are we going to get one hour's worth of notes onto his hand?  To hire a staff to do that would require way too much stimulus dollars than this country can afford. About the best we could is "Let me be clear ...."  And that won't work. Heck, that's how we got into this mess to begin with.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

We Aren't Ready for Some Football

Well, it's Super Bowl weekend, and that means that with Lady M on her obesity jihad, Big Guy and I won't be eating any chicken wings or seven layer dip any time soon.  She's being a pretty big killjoy this year, particularly since we're having a bunch of our bipartisan friends over to watch the game on the 60-inch, hi-def screen we have in the room the previous administration used for "national security briefings."  We've been using the room as a home entertainment center, since it's closer to the residence, and you don't have to go down four flights of stairs to the real home theater in the basement. Besides, it isn't like we've had any national security events, so why waste a perfectly good piece of technology.

While we're calling this a bipartisan party, I think we all know that that isn't the case. I mean, Congressman "Joseph" Cao, who represents parts of New Orleans, is invited, but only because we learned he was snowed in and couldn't get to Miami, and because in order for this to be considered an official White House event we needed someone of Southeast Asian descent to be here. This way, the party can be paid for using taxpayer dollars instead of out of Big Guy's pocket.

So we've got Cao coming and then we've got people we actually want to spend time with. Folks like Rep. Xavier Becerra (he takes care of our Latino quota), some Democrats from Indiana, half the Cabinet, including Bruno, and Sen. Chris Dodd, because we know he'll bring enough beer to keep the par-tay going. Bruno, who spent most of the week in Miami hanging bunting in the stadium, brought back some cool decorations to spruce up the room.

But the highlight of the day will be watching Big Guy do his pre-game interview with CBS News diva Katie Couric.  Not because he has any great insights into the game, but because he's going to announce an Executive Order that will make a dramatic change in the way Super Bowl Sunday unfolds. He's really the only leader with the vision and ability to pull it off.  See, instead of settling the game on the field, he's inviting the Colts and Saints to the White House to negotiate the winner of the Super Bowl over beers and organic hummus dip.

By doing it this way, it gives him at least eight extra hours to keep working for the American people instead of watching a game, and it means the American people have that much more time to be focused on finding jobs or earning more income to pay their taxes. We all win. Well, except for the team that doesn't negotiate well enough to win the championship.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Revenue Hunting

Big Guy released his budget today. He spent a lot of time this weekend - in between going to the Duke-Georgetown basketball game, watching basketball on TV, watching HBO, then Sportscenter, then doing research on the Pro Bowl for our fantasy pool, then actually watching the Pro Bowl - working on cutting all that fat from the budget. I think people are going to love what they see.

It's not like Big Guy isn't aware of the fiscal mess we are in. People have been noticing how he has been bowing when he meets even U.S. officials, like mayors or governors. But he's not bowing. That's just the way he walks so that he gets first dibs on dropped change.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tonight's Big Speech

Wow, what a day. Big Guy and I have been busy for hours rehearsing this State of the Union Address. I hope all of you are ready, because it's going to be a long one. I mean, really long.

Just to prepare, we had Toes and Gibbsy and a few other staffers sit in on the rehearsals this afternoon. If you factor in the 43 standing ovations and 35 other applause lines we counted ourselves, this speech could go on for hours.

Now I should tell you that there is no truth to the rumors that Big Guy is going to not be using me tonight, or that he's giving me up for one of those newfangled iPads. Let's face it. The man does only a few things well, and he's going to announce that he's not going to spend any more of your money. Without the spending, that's leaves reading from my screens as the only skill for which he seems to have any aptitude. Well, there's also being patronizing, but as Toes says, that's less of a skill than a natural talent for Big Guy. All in all, I think I'm safe.

You may be wondering what Big Guy is going to talk about tonight. Well, he's going to talk a lot about taxes and jobs, especially how he's going to use the same formula we used in New Hampshire's 73rd Congressional District, where in a matter of days last October we achieved almost full employment. He's also, out of concern for national security, going to call for the strengthening of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Now some people might look at that as just a shout out to his girl Ellen, since we're basically sucking up the "American Idol" time slot. But, no, we're not talking about the one about gays in the military. We're talking about the the new White House policy that means we won't have to keep hearing about that pesky "transparency in government" issue all the time.

Finally, Big Guy's biggest mission tonight is to show that he understands that Americans are angry with him, as well as the failed Bush Administration and its failed policies that failed. Big O feels the best way he can do this is by explaining to his fellow citizens why they are mad. Which brings me back to giving Big Guy something to do: because if he can't spend your tax dollars, and you don't want him reading off my screens, being patronizing may be the only thing left he can give to his country. And in that regard we all know Big Guy has a lot to give.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I'm Back. Recharged. Ready for Tomorrow Night

Wow. Is it only 2010? Given the mood around here in the Oval, you would've thought we'd already seen the outcome of the mid-term elections.

As you can probably guess, since the holidays, we've all been hunkered down here. Big Guy and Toes didn't take kindly to the way we were treated up in New Jersey and in Virginia with those states races. And now we've got some guy from Massachusetts double parking his truck infront of the White House so Big O's agenda can't get moving.

Well, all of that is going to change tomorrow night. Big Guy and I have been working tirelessly for the past three weeks with world-renowned film director, lovable character actor and speechwriter Jon Favreau on the State of the Union address, and it's a doozey.

For example, Big Guy spent a lot of time working on this new middle class tax cut plan he'll roll out tomorrow. He and Timmy Geithner and Biden worked for days trying to figure out the best policy approach. Big Guy wanted to cut taxes 10 percent. Biden said that wasn't enough for blue collar folk, and said 20 percent. Timmy tried to split the baby and go with 15 percent.

In the end, all of the proposals just seemed unworkable to Big Guy, not because he's a socialist or anything, but because he realized to cut taxes, you actually have to have people making enough money to pay taxes.

Friday, January 1, 2010

It's the Chicago Way

TSA has been in the news a lot lately, and none of it has been good news from Big Guy's perspective.  Last night, in between the champagne, the late night walk on the beach, which led to three canceled national security briefings, more champagne and a game of Twister, Big Guy talked to Gibbsy about trying to get better PR for an agency that was getting way too much PR.  Good luck with that.

Now comes word that some people on Capitol Hill think our nominee to head TSA, Erroll Souther, might not be the best guy for the job to protect people's privacy.  It seems when he was an FBI agent he accessed his ex-wife's boyfriend's criminal record, and he wasn't authorized to do that.  That was 20 years ago, and now everyone is up in arms about it.

I would have thought that a year into our administration, most people would have figured out how we work. See, Big Guy comes from Chicago, where the old fable about the fox guarding the hen house is taken pretty seriously as an approach to good government.  Big O nominated Timmy Geithner, who was a tax cheat, to oversee our economy and tax policy. Who better to understand how to stop cheaters, than to hire one of the best cheaters in the country to run the agency?  Democrats hate the Pentagon, so who better than a Republican, Bob Gates, to run DoD, since he probably respects the military?  Who better to understand the lax border policies of DHS than a governor who encouraged lax border policies, and now you have the perfect job for former Arizona governor Bruno.

So in the case of TSA, you have Souther, who clearly doesn't respect anyone's privacy. nominated for a job that will allow him, thanks to full body screening machines, to see just about everyone's most intimate privates whenever he wants. Who better to know what to do with all those photos? 

This is just the way Chicago political mind works, but sometimes you don't need to pretzel logic it that much.  After a strong, effective Vice President like Dick Cheney, Big Guy simply went in the opposite direction. Hence the Biden pick.