Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tonight's Big Speech

Wow, what a day. Big Guy and I have been busy for hours rehearsing this State of the Union Address. I hope all of you are ready, because it's going to be a long one. I mean, really long.

Just to prepare, we had Toes and Gibbsy and a few other staffers sit in on the rehearsals this afternoon. If you factor in the 43 standing ovations and 35 other applause lines we counted ourselves, this speech could go on for hours.

Now I should tell you that there is no truth to the rumors that Big Guy is going to not be using me tonight, or that he's giving me up for one of those newfangled iPads. Let's face it. The man does only a few things well, and he's going to announce that he's not going to spend any more of your money. Without the spending, that's leaves reading from my screens as the only skill for which he seems to have any aptitude. Well, there's also being patronizing, but as Toes says, that's less of a skill than a natural talent for Big Guy. All in all, I think I'm safe.

You may be wondering what Big Guy is going to talk about tonight. Well, he's going to talk a lot about taxes and jobs, especially how he's going to use the same formula we used in New Hampshire's 73rd Congressional District, where in a matter of days last October we achieved almost full employment. He's also, out of concern for national security, going to call for the strengthening of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Now some people might look at that as just a shout out to his girl Ellen, since we're basically sucking up the "American Idol" time slot. But, no, we're not talking about the one about gays in the military. We're talking about the the new White House policy that means we won't have to keep hearing about that pesky "transparency in government" issue all the time.

Finally, Big Guy's biggest mission tonight is to show that he understands that Americans are angry with him, as well as the failed Bush Administration and its failed policies that failed. Big O feels the best way he can do this is by explaining to his fellow citizens why they are mad. Which brings me back to giving Big Guy something to do: because if he can't spend your tax dollars, and you don't want him reading off my screens, being patronizing may be the only thing left he can give to his country. And in that regard we all know Big Guy has a lot to give.


  1. I think the best thing you can make him say is "starting now (uhhhh) I will be on vacation (uhhhh) for the next three years".

  2. Sounds good, Husband.

    Mr. "All Form and No Substance" might as well make his external match his internal reality:

    Big Zero's been on a mental vacation for YEARS.

    Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu -- punch drunk -- uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, aaaaaaaaaaaand, me...... me..... I...... uuuuuuuuuuh breath...... tires...... inflate............breathalyzer............uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh .... wee weed.......home. [GRIN]

  3. One was wondering what the One would say.

    One knew Patronizing and Pandering aplenty
    would be about.Presumed he would push an appeal for both by asking the patrons to patronize their government corporations,and purchase the now Federal 'Perfect Brownie Pan',through the WH switchboard .
    They are $19.95 plus S&H costs of $24.99.
    Please patronize Patriots,as the government needs the money.Plus these pans make for absolutely perfect pandering as will also be seen in tonite's 'readership' performance.

    I wish TP,you would "faint" and make him wing one of these SOU speeches without you.
    It might be as funny as a sitcom,or perhaps as sad as a Lifetime movie.(I can't decide which to watch tonite).
    BTW TP ,did you see what fresh postage did to to the Comenteering Peanut Gallery ?
    Fresh faced FOTS flooded the joint.
    You should try this postage stuff more often.
    Just post a TWWEET in the lead column and fans will flock here for the festivities,as they have tonite.Well,welcome one and all,including you Boss.
    We have missed your eclectic electric inputs.

  4. (((((TOTUS)))))

    Missed you!!! So glad you're back!

  5. I think I am going to throw up. He just said I campaigned on "change you can believe in"!!! Yada yada yada...

    Oh, my allah. I can't even wait for Charles Krauthammer to come on and make me smile. This is really painful.

  6. PS are you on steroids, TOTUS, Dear?

  7. One thing is for sure...he keep the number of people who watched the Republican response to a very low level. This speech went on forever! I wonder how many tuned out?

    John's Space

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. OMG TOTUS..Why didn't you tell us he was going to dis the SCOTUS?

  10. Husband,

    You forgot it will be an (uhmm uhhh) UNprecedented (uhmmm) 3 year vacation.

    Sorry, post above came out wrong... much like Obama and his (uhhmmm) rhetoric.

  11. Totus, you looked great tonight. Thanks for keeping us up to date.

  12. TOTUS, I loved the way you had Big Guy raving about building faster trains than the Chinese. I laughed so hard I almost drove into a ditch. I imagine it got a little smile out of the Chinese, too...

  13. Hey, Tot, good job. Take the rest of the night off. You deserve it.

  14. [F.A.Norman]"faster trains than the Chinese"


    Are we going to build bigger ships and make more nutritious dog food and tastier toothpaste, too?

    Thanks for that. Now I wish I'd listened to that fool. Missed some great comedy.

  15. TOTUS, Dear, was BG looking at YOU or Justice Alito when he scolded the Court for their decision last week?

    And could the 10th row of the Chamber count his nose hairs while he waited for Shum-Shum and the Dems to end their wild cheering of his Supreme criticism.

    Oooooh, petulant man at the prompters.

  16. One line among many peeved me: "I don’t think American elections should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests." Who among us doesn't believe that UNIONS themselves represent 'America's most powerful interests?' They march right into the White House and get their little exclusion from the health-care tax, which then gets put on MY shoulders to bear? What planet does Obama come from, anyway?

  17. Following up, Spock’s favorite phrase, Fascinating, well no not really.

    President Addresses Nation “There’s Seventy Minutes I Can Never Get Back”

    Yeah, I’m Just Not Feeling It.

    What does the President need to do for a bump in the polls hint this isn’t it.

    Did The Phrase the President used “I Won’t Give Up, Don’t You Give
    Up” Sound familiar to anyone else? Train “Calling All You Angels.

    Well since there has been an Earth – there has been a climate, and it has been changing. How does one Fight mother nature, and make her stop changing the climate?

    The progressives won’t use Global Warming anymore because of the hoax so they changed it to Climate Change. This is just dumb. Of course there is climate change and water is wet.

  18. Why didn't you tell Michelle that the SOTU speech is a business attire event instead of a cocktail attire event. Purple satin? Really?

  19. I personally thought it was an awesome speech.

    I think it resonated all across the flat, flat earth (and all you 'round earthers' out there, and you know who you are, I don't want to hear it).

    And thankfully he refrained from daring us to go to Mars by the end of the decade, like JFK challenged us to unrealistically reach for the moon. Good thing, too, because that would have been more wasted money just like all that NASA dough went for staging the fake moon landing in a studio in Arizona.

    Yes, I was truly mesmerized by the Messiah, makes we want to hop in the wagon that all of you guys are happy to pull for me. Woo hoo.

  20. TOTUS - Glad you are back! I thought you were gone for good. I was so upset. I was lost without you. I thought....

    Sorry, I watched the State of Obama (not too good) speech last night and got caught up in the "This isn't about me." Followed by 80 "I" statements! ***Yes, I went to the transcript and counted!***

    A friend told me her husband played a drinking game and would take a drink each time El Presidente blamed GW... she said hubby 'slept well.' I told her that she should have cut him off 10 minutes in!

    So glad our TOTUS/FOT house is once again occupied... trolls and all.

  21. TOTUS, Dear, do they let him have his Virginia Slims Menthol in the black suburban to and fro the Capitol? How many packs?

  22. Here was the best part of the speech: "Thank you. God bless you, and God bless America." Thank you for having him read that, however for the rest of it you could have simply turned off and it would have been OK with me.

  23. The speech or preach sounded much like Charlie Brown's teacher. After about the 3rd I/Me all I heard was Mwah Ma Mwah Ma Mwah. If it weren't for his tantrum like foot stomping while he seethed I would have missed all 80 references he made to HIM self. (Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny flare up)

    I think it was real smart calling out the Supreme Court. His current path may lead him before them someday. Great posturing.

    Did we really think that the preach er speach would be anything less than a self agrandizing lovefest?

    I appreciate him dumbing down his platform.

    As far as tranparencies go, the only thing transparent in the White House is BO's character or lack there of.

    I agree with the Rev. The One's thanking God and ending the speech was the best part.

  24. So does Biden have some auxiliary prompter to tell him when to pop up and clap? It seems to be preemptive. As for the speech itself, are you SURE it's a new speech? It seems like the same stuff he was saying during the campaign up to an including his six Blame Bush moments.

  25. PS. What's the point of inviting the heroes who shot down Hussan at Ft. Hood if you aren't even going to acknowledge them?

  26. Totus, your tweet about Rush packing fancy Nancy's parachute was pure genius. All that electricity sure keeps your wit on fire. That's why we love you, well, that and all your most excellent insights into the dopey world that you see from that oh, so dis-advantageous place, staring at both sides of big guy's haughty chin at the same time.

    Hey, did you ever feel like you were watching a Saturday Night Live skit during that 70 minute joke of a speech? Joey B and Nancy were pure comedy gold back there. What a cast of characters! It looked as if they were mocking themselves for a taping of SNL. How do you maintain a steady scroll during all of that hilarity? You sure are focused.

    Actually, now that I think about it, Totus, you're job is way more taxing than I ever realized before. You have to watch and listen to Big Guy in DUPLICATE each time he gives us a good talkin' to. Does he hypnotize you as he swings back and forth? He's always watching... watching, never letting you out of his sight. Isn't that kinda creepy? And those angry eyes of his. Woo...scary. What if you freeze up?

    And you are forced to watch him non-stop, for boorishly long periods of time, from both the left AND the right at once, and sometimes from the hideously ridiculous jumbo screen straight ahead as well.

    Agh! How do you cope looking at both of his two faces simultaneously? That means you have to ingest twice the lies and twice the madness the rest of us endure. Sometimes triple. It's like déja vous, vous.

    Oh Totus, we just can't possibly comprehend what you go through in service to our country. Perhaps The Won's next recovery package, or the next one, or even the next will be for you. Not to worry, there will be plenty of opportunities... three more years of give-aways to look forward to.

    Yours is one recovery that would actually make sense. After all, we need you to stay on top of your game. It could be YOU were the jobs bill he was talking about, a rescue plan to add you to the saved jobs numbers. And yours will probably count double since you have to do double duty and all. Wow, you really are an asset to the Big Guy.

    You poor dear.

  27. Honestly? I was slamming down drinks and having shots. It was my birthday. Let's see...Obama? or pounding a few...? Lets face it.. Politics will be politics. What I support is the young lads giving their life to support their country. Feedom of speech. Nice blog! You earned it being a Veteran. Thanks!

  28. [Shovel] "Mwah Ma Mwah Ma Mwah." LOL.


    Ellen, I didn't know they were there! Pathetic. Makes sense -- B. Hussein wouldn't want to honor any of the enemies of "my Muslim faith."

    The Navy personnel who saved hostage Maersk Capt. Richard Phillips were probably also there.....

    And the Queen of England.....

    And some Special Olympics athletes......

    And "Crazy Uncle," Jeremiah Wright.....

    And that gay man he was buddies with in Hawaii.....

    And the (now retired) Vice-president for Affirmative Action at Harvard University in the 1980's.....

    And Scott Brown [YES!! Go team!]


    Nice tribute, Image. Yeah, TOTUS's tweets (gag) :P are SO witty. It must drive him crazy having to spew forth such dull drivel for that drooling D'oh!bama to uuuuuuuuh, read.

    Wish he'd stop being so twitterpated and post regularly and more frequently.



  29. [Image] "What a cast of characters! It looked as if they were mocking themselves for a taping of SNL."

    It did!

    In the clips I saw, it looked like Grandpa and Grandma Walton sitting behind their beloved John Boy (remember how insufferably arrogant and naively liberal he was? I couldn't stand him) while he gives the commencement speech at his high school graduation. Grandpa can't understand a word, but he keeps nodding and smiling and, nudged by Grandma, gets up at the right times. Grandma CAN understand him and keeps a fixed smile ("He may be a fool, but he's OUR fool.")

    LOL. Biden probably received an electric shock everytime he was supposed to clap or stand (kept a close, squinty, eye on Puhlosi to see what was up). Puhlosi, bless her heart, was thinking about how impressed people must be at her being as beautiful now as she was 50 years (FIFTY YEARS, LADY!) ago. (eye roll)

  30. Hey, TOTUS! Welcome back!

    I just wanted to tell you.

    Alright, you know, you usually just blend into the background at these events, but those pictures of you and Big Guy working the grade school ...

    Man, you looked like you were posing for Teleprompter Quarterly! Those were some fantastic shots the AP photographer took! Not just your screens, but the whole floor rig. Dude, you were EQUIPPED!!!

    Best wishes and keep us up to date!

  31. [TOTUS] "he's going to use the same formula we used in New Hampshire's 73rd Congressional District" --

    "Aaaaaaaand, uuuuuuh, folkssssss, we now have FULL employment.... er... ON THE MOON! Yeah, heh, heh, everybody there has a job. Mmmm, hmm."

    "What do they do?........uuuuuuuh, hmm. Above my pay grade. (( PRESENT! )) You know, this is not about ME. And remember. When you win I won, er, I mean, you lose, I hope, I...O..... , you win I..... . I'm lost....................................................................(( PRESENT! ))

  32. Were you at the game today too? I was thinking Big Guy should get together with Mike Fratello. It could be the Czar of the Telestrator vs. the Tool of the Teleprompter.

  33. HELP TOTUS! I'm having trouble accessing the new thread for 2/1. I home there's no funny busniess going on...Maybe you should check it out to see...

  34. Good stuff FOTAE,

    TWW image nestor et al good stuff TOTT great handle for Big Guy Nestor

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