Tonight's Big Speech

Wow, what a day. Big Guy and I have been busy for hours rehearsing this State of the Union Address. I hope all of you are ready, because it's going to be a long one. I mean, really long.

Just to prepare, we had Toes and Gibbsy and a few other staffers sit in on the rehearsals this afternoon. If you factor in the 43 standing ovations and 35 other applause lines we counted ourselves, this speech could go on for hours.

Now I should tell you that there is no truth to the rumors that Big Guy is going to not be using me tonight, or that he's giving me up for one of those newfangled iPads. Let's face it. The man does only a few things well, and he's going to announce that he's not going to spend any more of your money. Without the spending, that's leaves reading from my screens as the only skill for which he seems to have any aptitude. Well, there's also being patronizing, but as Toes says, that's less of a skill than a natural talent for Big Guy. All in all, I think I'm safe.

You may be wondering what Big Guy is going to talk about tonight. Well, he's going to talk a lot about taxes and jobs, especially how he's going to use the same formula we used in New Hampshire's 73rd Congressional District, where in a matter of days last October we achieved almost full employment. He's also, out of concern for national security, going to call for the strengthening of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Now some people might look at that as just a shout out to his girl Ellen, since we're basically sucking up the "American Idol" time slot. But, no, we're not talking about the one about gays in the military. We're talking about the the new White House policy that means we won't have to keep hearing about that pesky "transparency in government" issue all the time.

Finally, Big Guy's biggest mission tonight is to show that he understands that Americans are angry with him, as well as the failed Bush Administration and its failed policies that failed. Big O feels the best way he can do this is by explaining to his fellow citizens why they are mad. Which brings me back to giving Big Guy something to do: because if he can't spend your tax dollars, and you don't want him reading off my screens, being patronizing may be the only thing left he can give to his country. And in that regard we all know Big Guy has a lot to give.

I'm Back. Recharged. Ready for Tomorrow Night

Wow. Is it only 2010? Given the mood around here in the Oval, you would've thought we'd already seen the outcome of the mid-term elections.

As you can probably guess, since the holidays, we've all been hunkered down here. Big Guy and Toes didn't take kindly to the way we were treated up in New Jersey and in Virginia with those states races. And now we've got some guy from Massachusetts double parking his truck infront of the White House so Big O's agenda can't get moving.

Well, all of that is going to change tomorrow night. Big Guy and I have been working tirelessly for the past three weeks with world-renowned film director, lovable character actor and speechwriter Jon Favreau on the State of the Union address, and it's a doozey.

For example, Big Guy spent a lot of time working on this new middle class tax cut plan he'll roll out tomorrow. He and Timmy Geithner and Biden worked for days trying to figure out the best policy approach. Big Guy wanted to cut taxes 10 percent. Biden said that wasn't enough for blue collar folk, and said 20 percent. Timmy tried to split the baby and go with 15 percent.

In the end, all of the proposals just seemed unworkable to Big Guy, not because he's a socialist or anything, but because he realized to cut taxes, you actually have to have people making enough money to pay taxes.

It's the Chicago Way

TSA has been in the news a lot lately, and none of it has been good news from Big Guy's perspective.  Last night, in between the champagne, the late night walk on the beach, which led to three canceled national security briefings, more champagne and a game of Twister, Big Guy talked to Gibbsy about trying to get better PR for an agency that was getting way too much PR.  Good luck with that.

Now comes word that some people on Capitol Hill think our nominee to head TSA, Erroll Souther, might not be the best guy for the job to protect people's privacy.  It seems when he was an FBI agent he accessed his ex-wife's boyfriend's criminal record, and he wasn't authorized to do that.  That was 20 years ago, and now everyone is up in arms about it.

I would have thought that a year into our administration, most people would have figured out how we work. See, Big Guy comes from Chicago, where the old fable about the fox guarding the hen house is taken pretty seriously as an approach to good government.  Big O nominated Timmy Geithner, who was a tax cheat, to oversee our economy and tax policy. Who better to understand how to stop cheaters, than to hire one of the best cheaters in the country to run the agency?  Democrats hate the Pentagon, so who better than a Republican, Bob Gates, to run DoD, since he probably respects the military?  Who better to understand the lax border policies of DHS than a governor who encouraged lax border policies, and now you have the perfect job for former Arizona governor Bruno.

So in the case of TSA, you have Souther, who clearly doesn't respect anyone's privacy. nominated for a job that will allow him, thanks to full body screening machines, to see just about everyone's most intimate privates whenever he wants. Who better to know what to do with all those photos? 

This is just the way Chicago political mind works, but sometimes you don't need to pretzel logic it that much.  After a strong, effective Vice President like Dick Cheney, Big Guy simply went in the opposite direction. Hence the Biden pick.