Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

From my screens to your's: Happy Thanksgiving.

Despite Big Guy's efforts to the contrary, we each have much to be grateful for. Have a wonderful holiday.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Behind the Eight Ball

It's a long flight from South Korea to the United States, so Big Guy had a lot of time to work through a lot of issues that were on his plate.

First, lunch. Then, Big Guy got down to reviewing the menu for the state dinner he's hosting for the prime minister of India. This is a pretty important dinner, as many of you know, given how many jobs O has either saved or created over there, and we don't unemployment to get any worse in Mumbai, since Timmy Geithner says that would probably be a leading indicator of more economic trouble here at home.

Then after a nap, it was time to focus on policy. First up, this ridiculous idea that the Department of Justice floated to put some Gitmo terrorists on trial in New York City. Big Guy felt bad about just getting to the memo since it had been sitting on his desk for a few weeks, but what with getting Fox News in line, date nights with Lady M, the World Series, Halloween, it's been a pretty busy fall. In the end it didn't take much time. O looked at the proposal and almost hit the roof of Air Force One. "Like hell we'll do something that dangerous and short sighted," Big Guy told Rahm. Rahm just smiled that reassuring smile of his and moved down the list; it was obvious Big Guy wouldn't have to think about this one ever again.

Next up: Afghanistan. For that, Big Guy needed to pull his top national security advisers into the meeting. But Rahm said the video link to Big O's Magic 8 Ball wasn't working, which is his way of saying that the girls have it and are trying to figure out if Zach Efron will be coming to the India state dinner. Good thing the guy who carries the nuclear codes had the back up cootie-catcher to help us with the decision.

Knocking out all these issues made the rest of the trip easy. Now we have to figure out when and where to announce the Afghanistan plan. My vote goes to Greg Craig's idea: a big speech on Flag Day 2010 in the 17th Congressional District of Arizona.

Monday, November 16, 2009

You Say "Potato," I Say "New Job" ...

We're in Beijing right now, a really awe-inspiring city, full of history, and not filled so much with people. What the heck is going on here? How can this be a country of a few billion give or take a couple hundred million, and no one be out on the streets? Makes you wonder if this place is as free as Big Guy says it is.

For some reason my Internet access was limited at the hotel, so I had to ride back to Air Force One to post. Thankfully, the Chinese cleaning crew was just finishing up putting in the new furniture in the flying Oval Office, so I have some privacy.

You'd think that Big Guy would be focused on what is going on here in China, but ever the giant leader, he truly is worried about what is going on back home. This is especially true with the economy. So Timmy Geithner brought him the latest numbers on stimulus, job growth, TARP spending, foreclosures, and the like, and Big Guy was not happy.

"What happened to the recovery we've been talking about?" Big Guy asked Timmy in his hotel room. "We've been touting this thing for several months, but I don't see any improvements; shouldn't the numbers keep getting better if the economy is getting better?"

Timmy finally had to tell him that there really wasn't a recovery going on, and that it all started with Joey B claiming there was a recovery and everyone else just playing along to humor him. "It kind of got out of control," he said.

So now, Big O is stuck. He has an imaginary recovery, with imaginary job creation, but in order to make it look more real, he has to cut 60,000 made-up jobs he says he created, but which never really existed.

How come we can't do the same thing for this damn health care debate?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Fire Sale

It's Friday night over here, and Big Guy just finished speaking and was really tough with the Asian business community. He hated being the bearer of bad news, but that's what a leader does: lays out the facts and lets the chips fall where they may.

So Big Guy told the Japanese and Koreans and Chinese that they couldn't count on the American consumer to keep them all afloat in the global economy. That was that. We've had it with them, and they better get used to it.

Then the U.S. trade gap numbers were released. Huh.

Apparently Americans are buying all their crap plenty, it's just what Big Guy is selling that they aren't buying.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Who Woulda Thunk

Big Guy and I are off to Asia, and I knot that he's really looking forward to the job interview he'll be having with our future Chinese overlords.

We'll be taking off from Alaska shortly, and I couldn't help but pass along this little nugget for you folks to mull over:

Big Guy looked out the window of Air Force One as it was refueling here a few minutes ago and discovered that you can see Russia from here.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dunn and Done

Big Guy invited all of us into the Oval this morning to say goood-bye to our friend Anita Dunn, who had joined our team as a communications specialist.

She wouldn't go into why she was leaving. All she said was she was glad that she was taking her retirement pension in yuans for ease of accountant transfers.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Feel Sick

I wish I could blame Big Guy's speaking errors on me, since I'm a big enough hard drive to take the heat, but when he won't even effort the pretense of using me, then what am I supposed to do?

Come on folks, let's be clear: does Big Guy look like someone who knows the difference between the Medal of Freedom and the Medal of Honor?  And his staff?  They'd have him vote "present" for one if he were still in the Senate, and they'd stall on the review for the other, especially if it involved a brave soul in Afghanistan.

But the reason I wasn't out there to save the Administration from further embarrassment earlier this week at the Department of the Interior was because I haven't been feeling well.  I don't fall into one of the priority groups for the H1N1 vaccine, and I probably couldn't find a shot of the stuff if my life depended on it. After all, most normal folks are going in to the gray market to buy shots for their kids, since Bruno and HHS Secretary Sebelius screwed the pooch on planning for the vaccine roll out.

So my hard drive has been overheating a bit, and I think I've caught a bit of a virus.  Oh, and my Twitter account seems to have caught the same bug, so apologies over there for that. We're working on it.

But Big Guy says we'll all feel a bit better after Congress passes the health care reform package, and after he makes his announcement about his Afghanistan plans, which our media guys think should be made on Wednesday.  Unfortunately, I don't think most folks inside the White House would get the irony, though most of America would get the joke. 

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Blissfully Ignorant

It's true that Big Guy didn't watch any election results last night. He was too busy watching the documentary about himself on ABC.

Frankly, he found the whole thing completely absurd. People reading texts off of transparent glass screens to influence millions of people all at once? Plots to create chaos to suit political goals? That's just crazy.

The only thing that rang true was the lizard people part ... but everyone has always known that Rahm is a cold-blooded SOB.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Move Along, People. Nothing to See Here

Today is election day in some parts of the country. Big Guy has been getting briefings on turnout numbers and other political issues for most of the day, even though he says he doesn't care about any of them. I think this is kind of weird given how much time so many of us put in on the road for guys like Jon Corzine, Creigh Deeds and a woman in New York whose name I can't spell.

Rahm keeps walking around the West Wing kicking at chairs and desks and muttering things like, "No reflection, none at all," and "Where are the fish and newspapers," and "I want him dead." I assume he's talking about a terrorist like Osama Bin Laden or Rush Limbaugh.

But all of this election stuff pales in comparison to the important meeting Big Guy had today with Angela Merkel. It was a really good discussion. They talked about growing economies and increased employment and a lower taxpayer dollars on stimulus, and about decisive action in Afghanistan.

And then, after Merkel finished Big Guy talked about what he was doing in the U.S.