Following Up on Cairo

We're still basking in the Muslim adulation of Big Guy's speech, which went over exceedingly well.  Well, except for the the lack of applause in appropriate parts, by which I mean, after every sentence.  Man, what a tough crowd.  But CAIR absolutely loved the speech back home.

I thought the 2 to 1 proportion of "Holy Koran" to "Bible" references was totally appropriate. After all, the U.S. is one of the largest Muslim nations in the world now that Big Guy is has made it hip to be a MINO(Muslim in Name Only), you know a Muslim without the effort or the really cool explosive wardrobe.

It turns also turns out that most Muslim politicians don't use teleprompters and were surprised by the technology.  Up until now, most of them thought my screens were just really small bulletproof shields.

Talk Like an Egyptian

Big Guy and I have been rehearsing for the past couple of hours for his big speech tomorrow in Cairo. The speech will be a big wet kiss to the Muslim world, which our policy guys say is really in need of a U.S. that gives it a little tongue despite the Koranic promulgations against such Western displays of affection. And if ever there's a leader to act on this kiss, it's Big Guy.

We're also going to slap Iran around over its nuclear program, and by slap around, I mean we're not going to slap Iran around. The Muslims are a welcoming people, and this trip is all about making nice, not making sense, or so Big Guy believes.

Saudi Arabia is an interesting place. Though I'm still trying to figure out how the King is able to read his text through the burqa his female prompter wears.

Rose Garden Plantings

We're just pulling into King Abdullah's place, and boy, is it palatial.  Good thing Lady M isn't here, she'd be getting all kinds of ideas for the White House, what with her preferenence for heavy tiger and zebra motifs. 

On the ride to the palace, Big Guy listened to the tape of Osama Bin Ladin a couple of times, where he says the Big Guy planted seeds of hatred. Which is absolutely true.  And the hatred that is coming up in the Rose Garden is looking really good right now ... and it looks a lot like tomatoes.

Our Stimulus Plan is Working

Earlier today, Lady M went to a homeless shelter to kill the story about her and Big O going to New York for a date that cost the American taxpayers about $500,000, when federal, state and local law enforcement costs are added to the Lear jet, cars, staff, advance, my personal travel and bar tab, etc.  Here you see her after we've handed free cell phones to all the homeless people who came to see her. And no, taxpayers aren't going to be paying for the homeless peoples' wireless bills.  That's what the federal government is for.

The Big Coverup

This morning we briefed Judge Sunny Sotomayor before she headed up to the Hill for her meetings, and it's a good thing, because she's clearly getting bad advice from Joe Biden, who has been personally prepping her for meetings with his former colleagues despite our best efforts to keep him busy on other matters, like joining the AirFrance search and rescue team on the equator.

During the meeting, when Judge Sunny laid out her strategy for the day, Big Guy said that the "I Love NY" button she was going to wear would be cute for Chuck Schumer. We also suggested that the "Latinas Are the Spice of Life" t-shirt she was wearing might not be appropriate for her meetings with Sen. Jeff Sessions. And that her alternative - wearing no shirt at all - wouldn't be helpful ... for anyone.

Jimmy Carter: Peanuts or Just Nuts?

Big Guy is getting ready for a big trip the Middle East, and former President Jimmy Carter has been calling us incessantly looking to meet with us about the trip. He claims to have some "insights" into the matter. Rahm is warning Big O not to take the meeting, in part because the former President might want a photo-op with us, and no one this early in a Presidency wants to be pictured with the man many consider to be the worst President of the 20th Century ... or any century. 

This is why when Big Guy hosted the living past Presidents earlier this year, he made sure when the cameras snapped that he was between the two Bushes and not between the ass-grabber and the failure. 

Another reason we don't want Carter in the Oval?  He picks all of the green M&Ms out of the bowls and pockets them, and those are Big Guy's favorites.

Reading Between the Lines

It's true that Big Guy and I like to curl up on the couch and read a good book. There are times we'll go off and load the text for the latest book he wants to peruse and just scroll for hours, during the campaign that's what we'd do in downtime. He and I got through the entire Harry Potter series during a three-week period on the bus.

Lately, we've been reading this real downer, and Big Guy says it's not very engaging. So we've been scrolling it while he sits in front of the TV, reading the text on my transparent screen and watching Tivo'd episodes of his favorite show, "Real Housewives of Atlanta." Doing it this way, he says, makes the afternoons go by much faster.