In Which I Think I Should Be Concerned ...

So Gibbsy has been in a foul mood, stalking around the West Wing, as seemingly every hour, Fox News, our sworn enemy, runs features on me. He claims that I've been doing too much self promotion. As if, as an inanimate object, I can do anything but stand there while Big Guy utters what scrolls across my screens. This, coming from the guy who sprays bronzer on before doing his press briefings.

Besides, Gibbsy is always saying how we have so-and-so media personality in our pocket and the media eating out of our hand. If he's that worried about my rising celebritydom, then he should do something about it.

Maybe I should be worried about it, though. The last guy who got this kind of coverage was Bo, and he just got fixed.

Crazy in Love

This was an unfortunate moment. A woman who thought she was married to Big Guy showed up at LAX ready to fly home with us.

This is happening a lot more now that Big Guy is President. This has always been a problem for Big Guy. He's just a magnet for the crazies, I guess. During the campaign, we routinely had women showing up believing they were married to Big Guy. Then, it was easy to duck and move on to the next event, now, not so much.

But Big Guy has such a big heart that he doesn't want to break their's, so now we have them carted off to an undisclosed location where they are held indefinately for security reasons, so they can't talk to the press and further embarrass themselves. Sometimes it does work out, though. How do you think we found Bruno and our Supreme Court nominee?

Really Big Guy

Harry Reid told his friends in Las Vegas the other night that, “[T]he best part of Barack Obama is his heart is bigger than any heart in the world.”

This is absolutely true. In fact every part of Big Guy is bigger than just about any other part in the world. So I don't see why everyone is so surprised that his spending is bigger than anyone in the history of the world.

Brothers

Well, it's a beautiful early morning out here in Los Angeles.  Last night's policy dinner was amazing. Big Guy compared himself to FDR, announced to the crowd in Beverly Hills that the recession was over, and then fist bumped David Geffen. In fact, Big Guy was so good that people just started writing him checks.  It was funny, most people here say they weren't even aware we were in a recession.  

Not so amusing was Toes' brother, Ari, who showed up for the event. He's a big, foul-mouthed muckety muck out here in Hollywood. Most people in the White House didn't recognize Ari or even know Rahm had other living siblings; they just assumed Toes strangled them in their cribs.

I could tell right away they were related, when Ari claimed Big Guy's limo was in his spot in the Beverly Hills Hilton valet lot and tried to have it towed. 

La-La Land

Big Guy and I are in Los Angeles for yet another fundraiser. I heard there will be celebrities here, so Big Guy and I should fit right in. I'm still a little frustrated by the Las Vegas trip. Big Guy ad-libbed a line about, "What's done in Vegas shouldn't stay in Vegas," and half the audience groaned. My jokes, written with my new operator, Felix, were better, especially the Siegfried and Roy routine.

We'll be back in DC tomorrow morning to meet with the Palestinian leader of the month, which should make a lot of the folks cutting us checks tonight just over the moon with joy.

Alive and Well

I'm sure some of you have seen the footage of Joe Biden's speech today, where after the wind has knocked a Teleprompter screen over, he said, "What I am going to tell the president when I tell him his teleprompter is broken. What will he do then?"

First, it wasn't me.

Second, we don't bother giving Joe a real Teleprompter. It's just two screens that plays "Tom and Jerry" cartoons on a loop.

The Ring's the Thing

Some people have been commenting on the photos the Los Angeles Times ran showing Big Guy when he was a freshman out at Occidental College. They've noticed that ring on Big O's left hand and wondered what that was all about. Well, a person doesn't just get a Teleprompter and and boot it up. It requires a commitment  ... with an extended warranty.

And a really good power cord and surge protector.