So I went down to the White House Mess for some lunch yesterday (I drew the short straw for Sunday "worship" this past weekend), and I was told that my meal account had been closed as of Friday. How could this be, I asked the Naval staffer who was working the tables. After all, I pay my tab and cover my guests just like the rules state. But the waiter said for now we all have to brownbag it.
You see, the White House blew it's budget. We're broke, in the red, bone dry, without a penny to our name, nothing in the tank or the bank, Fitty Cent is a friend and our budget balance ... you get the drift. But never fear, we're doing what we can to make do.
You may have heard that we're now charging guests at the White House who eat with Big Guy. Toes takes the credit card numbers, and then rounds up the $29.99 we charge for the "Blue State Special" and hopes the guests don't notice the extra $1 million we're putting on their cards (the charge appears on the bill as "Hope Intl."). Lady M has been told under no circumstances will there be any more "date nights" outside of the contiguous lower 48. Bo has cut back on his Kobe beef intake to about a half-pound a day. And Big Guy is committed to only playing golf on government-owned golf courses until our budget is resolved in the next stimulus package. Because, as Big Guy has been saying, we all to make some sacrifices in these tough times.