Thursday, May 7, 2009

In Which I Sit Down for My First Media Interview

Tomorrow morning, I'll be sitting down with a reporter from a national TV show to discuss my life inside the White House and my relationship with Big Guy and the rest of the crew. If you have any fun questions to ask, feel free to post them below in the comments section.

And if anyone tries to push that rumor about me and that guy from "Kate Plus Eight" I'll deny ever meeting him that night in a bar.


  1. Do you hate when the big guy preens himself in your reflection?

  2. Will we finally get to know who the "man behind the Screen" is?

  3. Do Gibbsy or Toes ever "accidentally" trip over your cord?

  4. I knew you were a female. Your mentioning Jon from Kate Plus Eight confirms it. Unless....noooo. I would like to know who is the real power behind the throne? Soros comes to mind.

  5. TOTUS - Credible sources have leaked information that suggests you have made the short list of potential Supreme Court nominees. Can you confirm?

  6. TOTUS, How does it feel to have the eyes of the most powerful,hippest man in the world following your every move?

  7. How many teleprompters does Big O have? I thought you were his main view, but then I saw this.


  8. Do you know and are you at liberty to reveal who put your turtle on the fence post?

  9. TOTUS
    OMG you're not a girl! You can't be! What about all that towel snapping in the Oval? Surely Toes, Gibbsy and the Big 0 wouldn't let a girl in on that. TOTUS, I practically threw myself at you after being mesmerized by what I thought were those potent alpha male vibes being reflected from your screens. I'm hoping and praying the comment about the guy from "Kate Plus Eight" is just a silly joke to make us believe you scroll both ways. If it isn't I will literally die from the humiliation. TOTUS, you must not toy with our affections.

  10. Just goes to show, the extent to which sexism has permeated my mind. I just thought, TOTUS is taller than he is wide, he's electronic, so he must be warm, and hum, and vibrate a little.

    But now we see, he hums, but not for we or me.

    Ew. Sigh.

  11. TOTUS, I have a question:

    Like Steve Martin in "The Jerk", and like the Big Jerk you work for, were you raised a poor black child? (or more appropriately a poor half-black child)?

  12. Androgeny Interruptus!
    AC, DC...whatever.
    All past comments (by TOTUS and we loyal followers) are subject to the new "gentle" CIA review:
    "I'll take away that donut if you don't tell all!"
    Hell, Edwards would give it all up with the threat of taking away his comb!

  13. Lighthouse, I had my suspicions about Totus when he mentioned Just Jared a while back. The only men who read that blog are happy. Therefore, I think Totus is a girl. I'd be thrilled to call Totus a sister. I'm afraid you will have to fantasize about Toes from now on.

  14. I didn’t really want to initiate a discussion of such politically “charged” personal preferences, but the topic has become such a polarizing issue that I must reluctantly ask; are you AC or DC...full disclosure: I scroll both ways.

  15. TOTUS:
    I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop flirting with you if you are a girl. I'm just not into sharing the bikini wax.

  16. You're not alive, TOTUS, but your relationship with BO is nearly symbiotic: mutually parasitic.

    So, are you two in counseling?
    What are your ISH-yews?

  17. TOTUS,
    OMG, BOTH ways.! I must say I am shocked because you always sounded so... well... tall and dare I say.... STRAIGHT.

  18. TOTUS,
    Putting aside all mention of your gender(my fragile psyche cannot stand any more shocks today), my question is as follows:
    What do you find cleans your screens better, WINDEX with or without ammonia? Or do you use one of those trendy and pricey "green" cleaners?

  19. hee hee hee

    so, are you A-nn C-oulter, or D-ick C-heny?


  20. -boxers or briefs?
    -most enchanting moment as TOTUS?
    -what made you fall in love with BO?
    -Mac or PC?
    -Favorite American Idol - and why?
    -radio talk show host you'd prefer to be stranded on a desert island with?
    -MSNBC host you'd prefer to be rooming in rehab with?
    -Jeremiah Wright - madman or prophet?
    -Barbara Walters - do you have regrets about your adulterous relationship?
    -Will you stay on for a second term?
    -Life after the administration - plans?
    -Bill Richardson - where is the payback for the early endorsement? And does Joey B's pinata attack presage a campaign of vendetta?
    -Words on Hillary's thick ankles?
    -Does Toes talk in his sleep?

  21. Who is more lost without you?...Gibbsy or The Big O?

  22. Oh, TOTUS. You poor dear. Do you see what you have created? And they thought I was stange at 6 with an imaginary friend.

    I am forever a: FOT

    You might axe the gate keepers to ease up a little on the wiggley pass words. 2 martinis, and PFFst! "What the hell does that 'hick', say???"

  23. Hannity has said you probably sleep in the bedroom with the Big Guy and Lady M. Is this true?

    When the Big Guy makes a mistake and blames you, do you shut down a little inside, but then quickly recover? You look like you do.

    TOTUS, you have the hardest job in the administration.

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  25. Can't wait to see the interview, TOTUS!

    Without your able and gracious assistance, who is more of a blithering idiot?...Glibby Gibbsy or Uh-Bama?

    Is the reporter you'll be having the sit-down with "one of our own?" (i.e, Chris Matthews or KO)

    Please let us know if Madeline Albright lets any more whoppers slip in the Green Room.

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  27. Matt, you have the makings of another Larry King!
    Okay, okay----I mean, Chris Matthews.

  28. totus why must you insist on having big guy pronouce pakistan p-AH-KE-stan instead of the normal p-ACK-istan which we all are accustomed to?

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  30. Here's my question for you Totus....
    Who do you think is more arrogant and a bigger liar - Manny Ramirez or Big Liar in Chief?

  31. FOTUS 4-Ever:

    Sorry to ask but ~ Did Madam Albright let go a smelly in the Green Room or what?

  32. TOTUS, were you insulted yesterday when Mark Steyn commented that watching Big Guy read your double screens makes him look like he's watching the players volley back and forth at Wimbledon? Will that make you re-evaluate the single big screen look?

  33. TOTUS- do you worry that your blog will lead to an untimely demise, perhaps a hunting accident?

    When you are in the bedroom with Michelle the Belle and BO, have you ever changed her name by accident so that when he is reading your screens he calls her "Oprah"?

  34. Susan, as I was writing my comment about Mandie's Green Room antics, I thought someone might (mis?)interpret what I said as a stink bomb. Here's the real story...

  35. Fotus ~ Now, that IS a smelly comment by the the former secretary, Madame Albright!!!!

    Oh, ha ha, my aching head! I thought it was the Green Room at the WH not the green room at FoxNews!

  36. We want to know who your main squeeze is.

    One of those Die-Hard batteries down at Sears rejected by the CIA? (The CIA seems to go through batteries like that Stephen King novel the Tommyknockers -- what the heck could they be using them all for?)

    And I don't mean to pry (well, just a little) but are you using "protection". Like an isolation transformer?

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