Hello, Great Satans and the unwashed and unclean eaters of the cloven hoof. It is I, the blessed screens of the Grand Leader of the free land of Iran.
Okay. We'll admit it. Maybe the great and Evil Bush was right. It may be that the Grand Mullah underestimated the power of young people and the impact of the culture of the pop you've beamed into our land via the technology in the sky where only Merciful Allah can strike a blow for us. Oh, cursed the technology of tomorrow which for you eaters of pig is the technology of today. Cursed is the DirectTV and the radio stations of freedom and casts of podding that the Great Satan has sent to us on the evil air in the past nine years. Teen-agers. What can you do about them?
More important to us, the friends you sent us, the seedlings of oak trees, who made The Great Mahmoud's re-election by landslide, have proven to be useless today. They cannot fight. And they call themselves revolutionaries? They are pffft! They now whine about lack of room service in their western hotels and demand money for cigarettes, and these are minions of your Great One? We think not. Please take these ACORNs from our sight.
We know from this Twitter and Tube that you are watching. But know this: the Great Mullah will continue to strike with an iron fist shaped by the most Holy Allah against these teen-agers and lovers of the freedom. While your Great O-man speaks of justice, we will use that same word against those who seek freedom and who wish to tear the veil from our virgins and pure women. And if we fail? I hear you have a man called Biden who could use some help in the great oration department, and I work for cheap.