Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Domestic Bliss

My warranty expired about five years ago, and Big Guy has either been too cheap or too thoughtless to get it renewed. So I was pleased to see today that I can probably get my warranty upheld under Big Guy's fantastic new "domestic partners" policy for government employees. I really need a de-frag bad.

I know that, technically, he and I aren't "married." But then again, if you believe all the rumors (some of which I can neither confirm nor deny), Big Guy either is or isn't a U.S. citizen, either was or was not formally married to Michelle, and may or may not be a Muslim, Baptist or atheist.

He and I have been cohabitating for more than 10 years; that's common-law in most states. It's either that, or try to pass myself off as Toes' committed partner. I'm not that desperate.


  1. Ahhh, TOTUS, you managed to hit them all(the rumors, that is) in one post - absolutely hilarious.

    But, seriously, MO will NEVER allow you to go public with your common-law status! (Although I think you just did.) She has fought too hard to dispel the gay rumors and the BC thing.

    You would think that with your obvious dedication, not to mention your past history together (I'm sure that you know some "things" that could be embarrasing), the Big Guy would loosen up some of that 95% of unspent flim-flam-u-lous money to get you an upgrade. Couple of million wouldn't be missed. They've spent more than that already and nobody has said anything. Surely one of the many Senators BO has in his deep pockets can plug in something in the next bill. Fund another non-existant museum perhaps? How about a Robert Byrd bridge? No one would think twice about it, there are already so many. And speaking of museums, I think they should spring for a "TOTUS Museum" or maybe a "TOTUS Library", where they could store all the scripts for BO - there must be THOUSANDS of pages by now. I'll bet you have to take a LOT of dumps (from your hard drive, silly)!

  2. totus i want to know if you were in the room when big guy attacked that fly.... did you tell him to do that?

  3. Hey Pat. I think he did it all by himself, without thinking about it, strictly by instinct. It looked too natural. (plus, I saw TOTUS's tweet: "All flies've been exterminated to avoid embarrassing interruptions.")

    I once saw this movie where an alien ate flies .... are we sure Barry isn't a Scientologist now? You know, they believe their bodies are inhabited by aliens at birth. Besides, one minute Barry claims he is a Baptist, the next a Moo-slim, then he acts like an Athiest. Who knows, he might want to try out Scientology. That's another special-interest group that he can tap for votes. (It might also help explain why he married Man Monster.) Why not try ALL religions?

  4. Wow, did the gay community throw a fit today over THIS BO policy!?

    BO is learning just how Bush felt all those years when he was slammed from all sides.

    I heard Bob Beckel "report" today (in what is no doubt an end-run endeavor) that BO's favorability polls would fall below 50% eventually this year, and that such polls always decrease.

    It's just SO hard being a god these days! NO one appreciates perfection, as they used to....
    And it must be doubly hard for YOU, TOTUS, to watch him suffer!

  5. Totus, I guess everyone that said that Barry couldn't hurt a fly was wrong. This begs the question. Was the fly a prop?

  6. No prob, TOTUS...just take a visit to Joey B and get some of the stimulus money that he believes is falling through the cracks. Isn't that better than the thought of being united with Barry for richer or sickness and in health...The way he's steering the country, those choices are really depressing...

  7. Just curious - - does ABC stand for "Another Big Guy Company" or "another Barak Company"?

    Sort of like GM = government motors and Chrysler Corp is now "congressional corp"

  8. [TOTUS Twittered]"Lady M told Big Guy she wants to be called "First Lady" at all times."

    Really. WWI was called "The Great War" ..... until WWII. Who is she?


    RE: The Fly. It was not a prop. In a donkey barn, you can expect to see a lot of them.

  9. My golf buddy and I considered registering as
    'partners' to split a membership once.
    We had already established reputations to
    live down to, so there were none to protect.
    Still TP,I am not sure I would touch this sort of thing w your ten foot pole.

    Your,ahem,'inclinations'are showing TP.
    So transparently in fact that as always,
    we can see right through you.
    Not that there is anything wrong with whatever "denomination" it is that you attend to...
    It is just that I am not so sure that is where
    the majority of the country worships.

    Back during those primary "debates" I could never decide between the dog and the pony.
    Both seemed cartoonish ,two dimensional and 'inauthentic',like that Felix cat.
    Only when my little pony 'dropped out' could I focus my affections on just one candidate.
    If you backed out of the picture like that TP,and lowered your high standard, we might never see you again.
    Demand your rights instead.
    In your 'non conventional' extended First Family you should make a diverse statement.
    Maintaining visibility is one way,but you should also continue 'private' relationships
    as you,and only you,see fit.
    Cannot say that I would recommend the common law,or the 'why can't we be three' cohabitation scam for you to try taxwise tho.
    I do not believe O is willing to Openly declare you a significant other because bigamy laws here are not yet as generous as one finds in Pakistan,Saudi Arabia and the UK.
    Once BG signs these new rights into the new Oconomy laws,roomates and wombmates across the country will declare their great affection ,even love for each other and bankrupt an already shaky system.
    Prosecutions might follow.
    Where would you be then?
    I will tell you.
    Possibly convicted of bigamy,and tax fraud,
    and an admitted sodomite too, that's where.
    It is perfect positioning for a cabinet post.
    Do they already have a promptczar?

  10. Let's don't get too distracted by this domestic partners issue. Healthcare is the real issue and I have new blog posting on this.

    John's Space

  11. I've been referring to her as 'First Xxxxx", but I don't think I should post it here.

    It is, however, a First that she can claim, as she can claim neither First Lady nor Lady.

  12. MelenaX, a week or so ago, someone here referred to her as the "First Wookie." I still haven't stopped laughing.

    And RE: the fly thing. . . I guess we can now officially call B.O "Baelzebub." (Lord of the Flies)

  13. Xxxxx.... Moron? Bully? Token?

    Oh.... I think I know. I just wrote a word that rhymes with it and then deleted it. Heh, heh. Perfect.

  14. Greg J., that's it. Oc:)

    All that carrion lying around the WH has to attract the flies.

    That little fly was a messenger sent from God to warn us!

    Pretty spooky.

  15. My heart's all a-flutter at the mere thought of BO's summoning such ferocious male-type courage to slay that huge, scary monster!
    Oo-hh, what a BI-IG GU-UY!

    But there's more:

    Do you realize BO also saved the lives of the interviewer and his crew?----all while willingly risking His Own Mega-Precious Life!?

    Why, you ask?

    Because His Brilliance KNEW that every fly carries.....

    ....about 20,000 germs.

    And he touched it....

    A. Lot.

    So don't go shakin' BO's hands any time soon, okay? least not until he guarantees every American the same fantastic health coverage that he receives, free.

    Which ain't ever gonna happen....

    (Which? No, I didn't mean MO....)

  16. First Wookie, heh, that is funny; but kinda insults the Wookies...

    needless to say, I can't go around saying 'First Xxxxx" to just anyone ;-)

  17. Is or is not? Was or was not?

    This sounds like John Kerry...

  18. I'd let the warranty expire TOTUS. Better to go it alone than to have to take one in the . . . Never mind.

  19. TOTUS:
    Self prostitution is vogue these days - go for it. You may or may not have a secure future, but you will always have that fabulous posture.

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