Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Devil In The Details

Big Guy and I are flying out to Tempe, Arizona, where we are going to give the commencement address at Arizona State University. Initially we agreed to do this as a favor to Bruno, who used to be governor out there. But we've quickly learned that doing favors for him never quite work out (making him DHS Secretary being Exhibit A).  Now, both Big Guy and I are kind of annoyed at having to do this, and here's why:

On Sunday, he and I will be down in South Bend, Ind., where Notre Dame will be giving us an honorary degree in return for Big Guy imparting his wisdom to the Golden Domed masses. We figure these degrees might be able to help us get a real job when Big Guy retires from the Presidency thirteen or fourtenn years from now. Kind of a backup plan, if you will, because we'll still have eight or nine years of real income-earning power.

But what do we get for flying out twice as far to Tempe where the temperature will be in the 90s (and don't give me that thing about a "dry heat)? Bupkis. I mean, good grief, ASU gave an honorary degree to Barry Goldwater ... and he lost a Presidential election. 

Frankly, I was of the mind to stay home for this one, so that the ASU Sun Devil grads wouldn't be able to enjoy the full "Big Guy Experience" as we like to call his prepared remarks transmitted from my screens through his mouth.  But we won't be petty.  We'll leave that to Rahm. And we all know how that will work out.


  1. Totus, don't forget to bring your sun screen.

  2. Yes, and please don't let him go places without you - it's never a fun thing to watch. It's quite painful, actually.

  3. Correction: The temperature will be over 100. There will be plenty of protestors in Tempe today too. Good times.

  4. TOTUS, is there any way you can get Big Guy to sing something for the masses at Notre Dame? I think that would be a great ice-breaker.

    Y'know, just for laughs, you could pretend to malfunction in that Arizona heat, and leave Big Guy to his own, uh... uh... uh..., devices for a while.

  5. It'll be over 100? We need to get on that global warming thing again. That's hotter than it's been all winter!

  6. Yikes! Is Notre Dame SO "progressive" that it's actually caved to the Golden-Domed faith!?

    And when does D'Oh plan to CHANGE the two-term limit for the presidency? (Imagine listening to his lies for 13-14 YEARS!!!)

    Finally, no-ooo----Rahm is never petty; he monitors opposition seriously, and exacts revenge quite efficiently.

    "The stars are aligned" for a liberal Supreme Court nominee, BO just said. Great. Now he's into astrology, too. Does this guy have ANY firm principles!?

  7. TOTUS:
    Make sure you brush up on your Spanish. Bueno Dias Cabronne*, and don't forget at the bar, "Uno mas pour some more!" I'd recommend the chili but they don't know chili from a rat's ass in AZ.

    (Good morning, you stinking he-goat)

  8. mean brush up on your Mexican, along with his Austrian?

  9. I like to picture TOES in a tutu. Makes ME happy!

    OMG Rush is talking Cheerios right now. You are da MAN, TOTUS!

  10. Shaun:
    Imagine the knock knock jokes.

  11. TOTUS: I think we're in the need of some comic relief...while you're out in AZ, how about shutting down again in the middle of Big Guy's speech. That's always a hoot!

  12. Maybe Bruno could arrange a tour of Sheriff Joe Arpaio's operation while the Big Teleprompter Reader is out there.

  13. TOTUS,
    Don't worry sweetie, you'll love Tempe. Ignore the heat, ditch the Big 0 and take a trip into Phoenix. There are some great restaurants in the area. As a matter of fact, ditch the Big 0, tell him he is on his own at Notre Dame and take a couple of days up in Sedona. A little rest and relaxation will prepare you for the next apology tour to Europe and the Middle East.

  14. Yes, BO (Whenever my mom used that phrase it meant "body odor", but I digress) may be going to ND to speak, but don't think there are not a bunch of students, alumni, and Catholic faithfuls who still believe in the sanctity of human life . . . even the human lives of BO, Rahm, and all the others who so easily advocate destroying it. Heck, we even support the right to life for the TOTUS, though it has to be hell hanging out with BO.

  15. Another honorary degree, huh? Just like all the others Dope has "earned." Given to him just for emitting a lot of hot air ..................and for being half-caucasian.


    It really is sad that the Obama brand will get the Good-Catholic-keeping Seal of Approval over the protests of all of the genuine Catholics. Don't they still have to obey the Pope? What, you say Pelosi replaced him? No? Can't be a woman? Bruno did! Oh. Now I get it.

  16. [Betty Ann said] "... they don't know chili from a rat's ass in AZ."

    LOL. If you aren't a Texan, Miss Betty, you'd make a good one. ;)

  17. TOTUS,

    It's sort of a "Homecoming" for you by going to Notre Dame on Sunday, isn't it? After all, your inventor is an alumnus, class of 1941.

    Will BIG GUY "give thanks" for you?
    Any plans by Notre Dame to erect a "statue" in your honor? The campus has many statues and Father Jenkins already said they want to honor BIG GUY, as the first black president. It only stands to reason, that you would so honored also.

    Perhaps you will be awarded an honorary degree in communications or drama.

    Do you know of any plans to cover-up "Touch-down Jesus" as a similar request was made and fulfilled, at Georgetown?

  18. [Betty Ann quipped] "Imagine the knock knock jokes." Heh, heh. (C:


    Empty Suit: "Knock knock."
    Straight Person: "Who's there?"
    ES: "Words."
    SP: "Words who?"
    ES: "Just words."

    ..........SP: "That's all?".......

    ES: "Hey, 'I'm a reader.' You want jokes? Go talk to TOTUS. Jokes are 'above my pay grade' (heh, heh) .... er.... I... uh... could make a crack about Special Olympics again. [GRIN]. I'm good at that kind of joke. Wanna hear my "Pig in Lipstick" one? It's really funny."

    SP: "How about a joke about the economy? It seems to be coming back all on its own despite all your efforts to stall the recovery."

    ES: "The economy? Haw, haw, haaaw. Like how FOLKS are all worried about it and stuff? Hee, hee, heeeee. Yeah, I could joke about that.... (chortle). 'Gallows humor' is my specialty....... uh... say, could I bum a cigarette?"

  19. OOPS! BO was speaking about health care, not nominating another Supreme, when he said recently, "The stars are aligned."

    This still holds: "Great. Now he's into astrology, too. Does this guy have ANY firm principles!?"

  20. [INFIDEL JOE said] "Do you know of any plans to cover-up "Touch-down Jesus" as a similar request was made and fulfilled, at Georgetown?"

    Probably. Over "TD Jesus," they'll likely duct tape a big banner saying, "I WON."

  21. ........or maybe that banner will say, "I AM THE WAY -- WHO NEEDS THE TRUTH"

  22. TOTUS! How about this for a line in B.O.'s salutation:

    "Greetings. If it weren't for abortion, I wouldn't have made it into the White House. And I wouldn't be standing here before you today, the first half-caucasian president in the history of the U.A.E.... er, S.A."

  23. Will the Big Guy be singing Ave Maria at Notre Dame?

  24. [Shaun said] "...get on that global warming thing again. That's hotter than it's been all winter!"

    Uh, huh. And you can bet they will, too.

    How ironic that a number of (most?) the global warming hoaxsters are lying their blase way down the pathway to Hell. Every day, they are "geeeh-tting waaarrrmerrr."*

    *[Of course, until they (the ones who have never believed in Jesus as savior) draw their last breath, they can still repent and end up as far from Hell as you can get.]

  25. [Mountain Mama keenly observed] "... [B.O.] said recently, "The stars are aligned." ... Now he's into astrology, too... ."

    Preeehtty creepy.

    No wonder he never takes his children to church. Who needs a church? Just break out the tarot cards and the ouiji board. "Come on, girls. Let's 'worship.'" Ugh.

  26. [Cpd. Coppurr mused] "Will the Big Guy be singing Ave Maria... ."

    Nope. He might say, "Heil!" though. ]$:|

  27. Hey, TOTUS, I heard that fine man, Neil Cavuto, refer to B. Hussein as "Big Guy" today during an interview with Jobiden's "Chief Economist*." Your site attracts all the cool people.

    *[!! What's up with that, BTW?! What's JoeyB doing with his own economist (more than one actually)?? Is JB running a shadow-government? Will we soon hear of a coup de etat and see the flag of JOBIDEN raised over the White House?!]

  28. TWW:
    A-hem. Excuse me? You missed a state. It is in fact true that they really, truly do not know chili from a rat's ass in AZ.

    However, in Texas? They wouldn't know chili from a donkey's ass unless a New Mexican showed them.

    Worse than that, concerning Texans and chili? It's sort of like the difference between a duck.

  29. LOL, Betty Ann. You're so full of beans (not!).

    I beg yer pardon.

    If you really do live in New Mexico, they are lucky to have a great gal like you there.

  30.'re judging them rather harshly. They can't be expected to know everything about all 57 states.

  31. Tough titty Totus, Barry Goldwater's dad and grandpa come from America, Prescott to be exact. And with that said, Barry deserved a degree from ASU. They just don't hand them out to anybody!

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