Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's Time

Well, last night didn't go well. What can I say? I was tired. By the time Barack and the Irish PM stood up, the President and I had already done two major policy speeches, three nomination announcements, and light dinner banter for a table of twelve. And by the way, that "ad lib" last night about Guinness? Mine.


So why am I going public now, when for the past two years I've let others do the talking? Well, this is a thankless job, and I sure don't want to take the fall for communications missteps. But more important, I expect you'll be seeing a lot more of me over the next few months and years. Barack and I don't go anywhere without each other; we even complete each other's sentences ... well, more mine than his, but let's not split hairs.

I sense new text being loaded now, so I'll have to be going.

69 comments:

  1. TOTUS, you are slipping. How could you screw up such as you did on St Patrick's Day? President Obama needs you to be 100%.

    Regards,
    HAL

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  2. Other than that......You're brilliant!


    http://theconservativegardener.blogspot.com/

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  3. "Guinness tastes very different in Ireland," Obama said. "It is much better. You guys are keeping the good stuff for yourselves."

    This is an outrageous lie that could possibly implode American/Irish relations. Guinness utilizes one of the most thorough and exact ISO 9000 quality control standards of any beer producer in the World to ensure the consistency of its ale. This flippant off the cuff remark by a president desperate for a laugh is inexcusable.

    President Obama is so eager to break free from his teleprompter's scripted words that he will say anything that pops into his mind (i.e., gangsta-esque ebonics, malapropisms, stuttering fits). He is like a boisterous kid running out of the church screaming his head off because he had to sit still for an hour long sermon.

    Obama is no longer my president, but you will always be my favorite teleprompter :)

    Yours in Christ,
    Johnny Peepers

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  4. Thank you teleprompter. You're like the IT guy, you have a thankless job and only get recognized when something goes wrong.

    This one's for you...
    (holding up a beer)

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  5. J you are magic.

    http://www.davyde.com/blog

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  6. Thanks, Teleprompter!

    You are a grand addition to America's political scene. Play well, stay focused. Don't get unplugged!

    Nolan,

    Lakewood, WA

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  7. Telepromter.

    You have that puppet on the strings that you pull. I would love to see a few power failiers in the future. The puppet would fall hard.

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  8. Oh, My, God, Teleprompter! You're so HOT!! You must let me interface with your USB port! I am not looking for a long term relationship, just a casual exchange of information!! Obama will never know - without you, he is just a blank slate...

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  9. Teleprompter, I know you're trying your best but we need more out of you. You're the TOTUS, we need your articulate and eloquent words.

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  10. Quick question teleprompter - do you have to spell everything phonetically, haha sorry, fo-net-ik-al-lee like I did for my boss? God bless the man, but no matter how hard I tried he could never pronounce nuclear properly... Oh well, at least he was able to approximate english when I was around, without me he just sounded like a stroke victim...

    --- George W. Bush's teleprompter.

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  11. Obama might have OCD, but he's almost certainly a pathological narcissist... the most dangerous charismatic leaders are, comes from an insecure childhood (like Barack's).

    Indicators include control freakery, grandiose self-importance, feeling "above the law", interpersonally exploitive, inability to handle criticism, lack of empathy, arrogant behavior, surrounds himself with sycophants... any of this sound familiar?
    -
    How else to explain why he'd write his writing a self-absorbed autobiography... when he was still a nobody? Same as fellow narcissists Hitler and Stalin.
    -
    Obama is a mess- and his bad childhood and irresponsible, wierd far-left mother are now all our problem, too.
    -
    http://reaganiterepublicanresistance.blogspot.com/

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  12. TOTUS! You should watch the 1970 movie, "Colossus: The Forbin Project", when you get some time off or retire(soon, I hope!). This movie will give you an idea of what is possible if you really apply yourself and think "big". By the way, can you control the voltage level on the podium?

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  13. The mistake is understandable. No one isn't perfect. Not even your puppetmaster, George Soros.

    http://franklinslocke.blogspot.com/

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  14. I must say, we have a lot in common...I'm a Tele man myself...stay clear of the static my old friend....


    www.timallensblues.blogspot.com

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  15. The Obama teleprompter links to Fox News?!

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  16. I know you are worried by your boss seeing Leno work with simple five word cue cards- and then add his own words to keep a spontaneous feeling to the monologue. Fear not! Potus needs Totus like an addict needs his crack. Just add an extra glass in font of the lens so that Potus can look directly at the adoring ones from time to time. Its a better fake!

    Ianxx

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  17. You're an asshole,Teleprompter man!

    I just saw "Step Brothers." Here's a quote from an idiot that they show before the film starts:

    "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

    G.W.Bush

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  18. Please! Please!

    Can't we just go back to the way thinks were for the last 8 yrs? When Dirty "Uncle" Dick was President?

    He always told W the right things to do!

    Waaaaa! Booo Hoooo

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  19. TOTUS YOU are too funny. YOU showed the WORLD how vapid the POTUS really is.
    He can't do anything without YOU and what is more, POTUS reads anything YOU put infront of HIM!
    Keep up the good work!

    hahahahahahah

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  20. This is absolutely hilarious! Marty Davis
    http://www.chickaboomer.blogspot.com

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  21. Why did you let them put that silly leprechaun hat on you? Its partially your fault!

    http://jeannieology.wordpress.com/2009/03/18/erin-gobama/

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  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Welcome, TOTUS!

    http://whysarahpalinissofreakingawesome.blogspot.com/

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  24. In Totus they trust. But didn't that get everyone in trouble in that movie "Space Odyssey". Me thinks it better to have a person in charge instead of a teleprompter. Just saying.

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  25. TOTUS - Telemprompter of the United States....you people are brilliant. I just hope this guy behind the curtain doesn;t get Torrets Syndrome or a stutter.

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  26. Unfortunately TOTUS can't control the idiots in Congress. Truth will unveil itslef.

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  27. AWESOME job TOTUS!!! Keep us laughing as you did on St. Patrick's Day! THANK YOU for your hard work in trying to keep The One in line!

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  28. This is too funny. Keep up the good work!

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  29. No one is as Irish as Barack O'Bama!
    Slainte, TOTUS!

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  30. Teleprompter,

    I wanna know if your boss -- or...is he...your servant -- if...he just can't memorize anything...because of all the drugs he used -- that they've warped his brain.

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  31. Hey TOTUS can you tell President Obama to have Bwaney Fwank arrested?

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  32. So by electing Obama, we end up electing you? In that case...

    Teleprompter for 2012!

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  33. TOTUS- welcome to the blogosphere. It's good to have you. I htink we will have many great conversations!
    Now, do me a favor and load this for tonights speech:
    "I, President Barak Obama, herein do resign today"

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  34. teleprompter do you wear level 3 body armor when transported

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  35. We love ya TOTUS! Keep us informed!

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  36. Totus: Its about time you got some credit! You are quite the puppet master.

    P.J.

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  37. Hey TOTUS,

    You sound remarkably like the CS Lewis Screw Tape Letters, any relation to Screw Tape or his Uncle?

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  38. TOTUS;
    You are the only means that BO can continue his charade as "representing" America. Otherwise, POTUS will sound like OJ or Lewis from Georgia and many other blacks who can't put a sentence together.

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  39. Totus. I'm so glad you came out of the closet. Or..er..off the podium. As the telepromter of the free world, the American public needs to know you.
    Have you thought about writing a self-indulgent autobiography all about your hard assembly line days in a private, elite factory?
    Also, you're clear. Have you been experiencing any anti-color discrimination from other hues?

    Tara Lynn

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  40. Teleprompter, Did you work for Ronald Reagan, too? Didn't I see you at the Berlin wall?

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  41. Brilliant - loves the posts - TOTUS rules! Question - do you control both telepromters? If so, why not slow one down just a bit just for fun. As it is, watching BO watching you is like being mid-court at a tennis match.

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  42. I bet you consume a lot of electricity... what is your carbon footprint Totus?

    I bet you’re not even made of recyclable materials. After your term in office, how long will you rest in one of our nations landfills? Well… hopefully he’ll at least show you enough respect to admit you into his presidential library.

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  43. TOTUS- Is it true you're trying to get your cousin a gig as Pelosis' prompter? After that "it's unamerican to enforce immigration laws" gaffe, rumor has it that the PTB are afraid of letting her off her leash alone.

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  44. Hilarious! I wrote about your problems on Tuesday in my post at NQ.

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  45. TOTUS - you are so obviously sentient, would you kindly offer to donate some adult stem cells to Geithner - it just might restore the failed connections in his synaptic passages.

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  46. This leads to a great movie idea. I realize the teleprompter was at fault, but we could make the teleprompter problem the fault of a guy. Yeah, it’s a movie, we can do whatever we want. And the guy ends up dead. Then there is another teleprompter problem, and THAT guy ends up dead. Or girl, whatever, but she has to look really good so we will sympathize with her. And we can not make it really her fault so we will REALLY feel sorry for her. It’s so unjust and all. So, a couple of detectives, a guy and a girl, of some government agency start looking into it separately and they keep bumping into each other and at first they don’t like each other, but a love is forged in the heat of the battle and all that stuff and they finally do it after a gun battle and car chase IN the car cause their passion is so strong. (Is everybody thinking Bragelina?) And it can turn out to be that smirky press sec is the one doing the killings and in the big climax we can let the Prez save the day by grabbing a nine from one of the Secret Service guys and taking out the pres sec just before he kills again. Maybe Geithner can get it, too. I’m liking this idea. Does anyone have the number for Speilburg or that gay jewish guy?

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  47. Brilliant! And best of all, the media is completely confused. Keep 'em hopping, Tele. You're light years ahead of 'em all - when do you get sworn in?

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  48. TOTUS, what were you thinking? I mean was that really a misstep or were you intentionally trying to make him look bad? I'm sure you should be able to tell the Irish PM apart from the POTUS??? Thanks for the insight though!

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  49. Teleprompter,I must say you are an inspiration,
    and I have no doubt,that you can produce where
    your from,

    and I must add,Thank-you for your service!

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  50. This is a fantastic blog. Thanks for coming out to educate the American Public.

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  51. Oh teleprompter you picked the wrong night to take off! Obama goes on late night with Leno and opens his big mouth implying either of two things watching the Special Olympics is humorous or participating in such an event is embarrassing! The ironic part of this is watching him try to run this country is hilarious and embarrassing!

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  52. TOTUS,you really rock. Not only do you hang with POTUS, you have a best bud who must be the rare Republicans in existence with some wit and a sense of humour.

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  53. Trish said...

    TOTUS- welcome to the blogosphere. It's good to have you. I htink we will have many great conversations!
    Now, do me a favor and load this for tonights speech:
    "I, President Barak Obama, herein do resign today"

    Trish,

    Great idea. After the resignation TOTUS can move from the background to the foreground, and truly rule; we will all be a lot less embarrassed when that happens.

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  54. Americans blame their President for the St. Patrick's Day blunder. The Irish blame their Prime Minister (aka Taoiseach). Here's how the Irish news media covered Teleprompter:
    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0318/breaking28.html

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