Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Screen Shots With Rush

Teleprompter, as a consumer of electricity, how do you feel about cap and trade?
This is a timely question, Rush, and I'm glad you asked it. You may have noticed last night that I went a bit 21st Century and pulled out my big, 52-inch LCD screen for the press conference. Big Boy has been having problems with my left and right screens on brackets, so instead of putting a third screen down on the floor in front of the podium like Gibbsy wanted, we went high-tech in the back of the room. Boy did I look hot.

And I was hot. Really hot. And that's the problem. According to Al Gore, use of my flatty module exponentially grew my carbon foot print by about 140%. What does this mean? None of us knows. He says he derived this statistic through a complex "algoreithym." But Tipper says it was probably the result of his nipping into her old prescription-drug supply from the 2000 recount.

Either way, none of us in the White House really cares. Big Boy's answer on cap and trade last night should have tipped you off. You see, it doesn't so much matter how much energy I consume and waste, as it does what I waste and consume it for. In this case, it was for a press conference where Big Guy said almost nothing, but was also able to slap Israel around, give the what-for to Republicans on Capitol Hill, and completely confuse the American people on everything from what the Big O knew about AIG bonuses to what he thinks he knows about the budget process of the United States. In other words, it was worth it.

Oh, and a hot reporter from Latin America got to ask him a question, and I think I've got a date with her on Saturday. So it was totally worth it.
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19 comments:

  1. Mike S.March 25, 2009 at 4:18 AM

    Like healthcare, like taxes, so it will be with cap 'n trade. TOTUS is right: the regulations imposed on us (citizens) are not applicable to those we serve (Fed).
    Has Tipper got more of those meds?

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  2. AnonymousMarch 25, 2009 at 4:25 AM

    TOTUS big boy what is up, you looked good tonite, rock on, good luck with univision

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  3. Fist of EtiquetteMarch 25, 2009 at 4:37 AM

    I am just not sure about that big screen. I mean, with your traditional screens, the words you toss up for the President are for Him alone. Isn't there a danger that the White House Press Corpse might turn around and just read your words off the big screen for themselves?

    Not to take anything away from your contribution to the process, but let's face it; it's never been about what POTUS says but how he says it. For instance, if you read FDR's comments right after the stock market crash, they're pretty dry and uninspiring. But when you watch the videotape of Roosevelt on TV actually reading those words to the nation, it's quite spectacular. It's all in the delivery.

    Just something to think on.

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  4. UnknownMarch 25, 2009 at 4:47 AM

    TOTUs - did you ever think of throwing up a glare, that could be a lot of fun!

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  5. AnonymousMarch 25, 2009 at 5:06 AM

    Totus,

    Tonight is Wednesday and the weekly cocktail party at the White House.....what do you think our chances are of being let in if we all showed up en masse at the East Gate? I don't know about the rest of you, but I could use an evening of pampering and being entertained.......especially when it's my money they are using.

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  6. Gene NicoletMarch 25, 2009 at 5:25 AM

    Do you have a PR guy, T? I'd like to represent you; get some "speaking" gigs on the circuit? Maybe a Kindel deal? I hear Leno's looking for some good talent, too.

    I KNOW you're pretty busy with Big O, but on your "Power Off Days" like, when O does his Saturday RADIO addresses - are you allowed to do Your Own Thing (or are you strictly government property - like a predator drone: stuff we pay for and see on TV, but don't get to use)?

    I can wait 'till you leave government to pursue this...Oh the stories we will tell! You'll be very HOT on the circuit, and Al will be back on his meds!

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  7. AnonymousMarch 25, 2009 at 5:30 AM

    "the what-for to Republicans on Capitol Hill"

    Besides the "It's not just my opinion..." comments his other favorite is "I inherited......" This fires me up. The Dems force banks to make bad loans then blame the GOP when it doesn't work. I know there's blame to go around but to keep saying "I inherited..." to excuse what's going on makes me want to throw a shoe at TOTUS! I guess he inherited AIG as well.

    http://theconservativegardener.blogspot.com/

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  8. CyrriloMarch 25, 2009 at 5:33 AM

    It was amazing… I noticed a few correspondents turned their heads toward your words rolling on the big LCD screen. They completely ignored the person reading them. I guess you not only deserve your big carbon foot print, you deserve a big attention. Thanks for your insights.

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  9. nancMarch 25, 2009 at 5:43 AM

    TOTUS - 'zup widdis? plobama's eyes were fluttering back and forth worse than someone with an acute case of astygmatism!

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  10. Boy on a bikeMarch 25, 2009 at 5:51 AM

    Dear TOTUS

    Apparently our Dear Leader, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, also known as the "wax gobbler" and "krudd", was in town for a spot of kowtowing to The One.

    I don't see the little wax gobbling socialist parasite on your blog, although there are photos floating around that seem to show your presence:

    http://boy-on-a-bike.blogspot.com/2009/03/mr-rudd-goes-to-washington.html

    Has our PM already been airbrushed out of history? What gives?

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  11. Charles ChambersMarch 25, 2009 at 5:55 AM

    So, size does matter.

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  12. UnknownMarch 25, 2009 at 6:10 AM

    TOTUS, you looked waaaaay better than POTUS last night. You stole the show, and even today, your presence was far more interesting and the talk of the town. I would also argue that O's carbon footprint is larger than yours with all of the hot air he puts out. Talk about 'global warming'.

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  13. AnonymousMarch 25, 2009 at 6:26 AM

    "Hot" reporter from Latin America? C'mon, TOTUS... where are your standards, bro. You can do better and you know you can. I can set you up with a mic stand that's been used in some ads. That's right, bro... she's a model.

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  14. BLOGGERMarch 25, 2009 at 7:02 AM

    GROIN.com covered this controversy in advance:

    http://penetrate.blogspot.com/2009/03/groincom-predicts-future-reality.html

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  15. DiannaMarch 25, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    Do we get Tipper's Meds with Socialized Helathcare? Do we have to wait 4 months for a Doctor's appointment like in Canada? For Malignant Brain Tumors? The 8 Month wait seems designed to kill off the infirm who have problems that are really expensive to fix, you know what I mean... So is that how Obama is gonna make health care cheaper? Make you wait a really long time so that you die before the appointment? Oh GOODY! Thank GOD I am young and healthy and can set my appointments up now!

    TOTUS, thank your big hot LCD that repairmen come to you and all you have to do is make a quick call, and blamo, your personal human Techie is right there for ya!

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  16. AstroNerdBoyMarch 25, 2009 at 12:51 PM

    Going with the 52" version -- YEAH, BUDDY!

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  17. Barack's BlackBerryMarch 25, 2009 at 5:08 PM

    Rahmbo's idea to save homeless children prompts Blackberry's for everyone! See the text message that did it. BOTUS-out ObamasBlackBerry.blogspot

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  18. StevenMarch 25, 2009 at 6:27 PM

    Get that revolutionary spirit!

    http://www.redstateringtones.com/blog/?p=33

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    ReplyDelete

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