Friday, March 20, 2009

Roo-dee, Roo-dee

This is the best news I've gotten this week. The Big Guy has decided that we're going to do the commencement address at the University of Notre Dame.
There's all kinds of subtexts with this decision:
Big Boy isn't Catholic and Notre Dame is.
Big Guy loves all forms of stem-cell research; Notre Dame? Not so much.
Bill McGurn, former-President George W. Bush's chief speechwriter is a graduate of Notre Dame. I am not.
Notre Dame has "Touchdown Jesus", the White House has "4-6 Split Barack."
So how will we overcome these differences? Well, I can tell you we won't be having The Man reference, "Mackeral snappers," blaspheming the Four Horsemen, or mispronouncing Knute Rockne's name, if I have anything to do with it. But there's still plenty of time to screw this one up.

34 comments:

  1. Shame on Notre Dame for having the biggest baby killer on the planet as a speaker. Well, it USED to be a Catholic school.

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  2. TOTUS keep it light, Like, "Thank you for inviting me. Good luck. See you later."
    Yep that should about do it

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  3. Now Mary '73, tell us exactly how you feel. lol


    http://theconservativegardener.blogspot.com/

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  4. Wait a minute. Is it Big Boy or Big Man?

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  5. We'll mention our boy Ron Reagan, The Gipper. That should carry us for awhile.

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  6. Make sure he knows he's in Indiana, not Iowa or Ottawa or Ohio.

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  7. Somethin' ain't right... You evaded the open & transparent vetting process? You're paid in yuan?
    - Are you the Manchurian teleprompter?
    - Are you so uniquely indispensible that you got one of them rare tele-lobbyist exemptions?
    - Did Turbo Tax Timmah do your taxes?
    - Just how much in back taxes do you owe?

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  8. Well thats another school down the drain...TOTUS please slip a few goodies in his speech.

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  9. TOTUS.... I sense you may be able to see into the future more than you reveal.
    Are you a telepathic teleprompter?
    What else is in store for the sheeples?

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  10. TOTUS, I look forward to seeing you at my commencement ceremony. Do me a favor, find a way to leave the Big Boy at home so that he doesn't ruin the day for me.

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  11. TOTUS, Glad to know you have ex-ed "mackeral snappers" from the lexicon. But whatever you do, don't use the more obscure reference "minnow munchers."

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  12. TOTUS,

    I love you. I mean that. You are the coolest thing to climb out of the primordial ooze of the computer world. You're awesome. I want a tee shirt with your picture on it. Can you open a small store here on your page?

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  13. Got a great idea for a joke, TP! The next time B.O. is using you to figure out what to say regarding the country or the world...malfunction! We'd all get a chuckle out of watching his bumbles and stutters.

    Chicagobluesgirl.com

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. maybe you should have warned the teleprompters who work there the president needs help.

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  16. Just remember when writing His address, TOTUS, Notre Dame means "Our Lady", as in Mary, the Mother of Jesus the Christ. And not Michele O, the lady of POTUS... you know, James Brown-in-drag or the Porculatoress-in-Chief.

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  17. TOTUS,

    I understand you are a true pro at what you do, you certainly didn't get the level you are at by simply standing around doing nothing or by being propped up by others.

    But I feel compelled to give a bit of friendly advice for the commencement at Notre Dame in an effort to avoid another disastrous scene similar to the 'Tonight Show' gaffe.

    It is this, be aware of any lines beginning with the words:

    "So there's the Pope, a Rabbi, and an Irish man standing on a street corner..."

    Keep up the good work TOTUS, you are the shiznitt !!!

    Peace out ...

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  18. Totus, be sure to ask the “All-Knowing” Pelosi about the Catholic faith. She is a Catholic. She knows as much about it as she knows about natural gas and the job numbers in America.

    She is the one who doesn’t think natural gas is a fossil fuel and that we can lose 500 millions jobs a day.

    So, be sure to ask about abortion, because she knows exactly what Catholics believe.


    http://franklinslocke.blogspot.com/

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  19. TOTUS,
    Please allow your servant POTUS the opportunity to tell Catholics what the Catholic church really teaches. We'd LOVE to hear how us Catholics can happily vote for Pro-bort candidates, how we can disregard those archaic 2,000 year old teachings on the sin of homosexuality, and basically do our own thing in the name of "Hope." Please TOTUS, give us this honor - do it for Benny...

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  20. Tele, can I have your autograph when you come to ND?

    For his address, make sure the president mentions his confusion over the fact that Touchdown Jesus does not resemble him in the least bit, but nonetheless appreciates the support.

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  21. TOTUS,

    I hope they turn their backs on himn when he gives his speech, i mean your speech

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  22. TOTUS!

    I shall be there waiting to see you take the stage. I'll play my clarinet just for you, and at the best of my playing skills. I can't wait to take some pictures.

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  23. Tell TOTUS what to tell POTUS what to say:
    {ObamaPrompter}

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  24. Hey Toty. That St Paddy's day switcheroo on Barry's speech was a great dry run. We need you to put it in again as a literal Hail Mary play for the ND Commencement. Make sure Barry reads the pro-life speaker's text, and make it a convincing stem-winder.

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  25. TOTUS,
    You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You know better than to roll your anti-life words at a Catholic campus. I guess it's expected these days at these so-called Catholic schools. I hope your plug fries and smoke billows out of your pane.

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  26. TOTUS, when are you going to write a book? You should get a pretty hefty advance. Bet you've got some stories to tell. Just file 'em away on your hard drive. Love your spunk, TOTUS.

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  27. TOTUS,
    Hope you have extra security when you have the Big Guy say that abortion is good for the environment ~ you know baby create a lot of CO2.

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  28. We will find out quick enough if he really is the anti-christ..

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  29. TOTUS - Would you kindly consider including the following closing line in his ND address mindful it comes from a rank amateur: "L'etat c'est moi!"

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  30. of course he is the anti-Christ. In Revelations we had the Four Horseman, Conquest, Famine, War and Death. Today, we have education, health care, and alternative energy, all headed by the Anti-Christ. Who will be our Conquest?

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  31. This is one of the reasons why I no longer consider myself a Catholic. What hypocrisy to have this baby killer speak at a "supposed" Catholic university.

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