As part of the Obama Loyalty Oath and Obama Army Indoctrination Process, we at the White House monitor communications of a few ... okay, every ... member of the traditional media who has signed on with us. Last night's presser was a rousing success, in part because of individuals like the one's below. To give you FOTs an insight into why we are so successful , here is an excerpt from the texting string between two of those faithful followers. Since Google is part of the Administation, they share everything with us. The names have been changed to protect their privacy.
Keith Olbermann: Here comes the President.
Huffington Post: Oh, oh, here he comes. My God, he is magnificent.
Olbermann: He is truly our greatest natural resource. I would give up my job to move to Montana and begin carving his face on Mount Rushmore. If only I knew how to work with my hands. Cornell doesn't offer those kinds of courses ... it's an Ivy League school, you know.
FactCheck: Won't even bother with Mount Rushmore. Cornell is in the Ivy League, but not of the Ivy League, if you get my drift.
Huffington Post: Wait. He's about to say something. It sounds complicated. Apparently he is predicting we are going to have a "Good evening." See? The Obama Administration's policies are working already. One good evening begets another, and another.
Olbermann: He's talking more. This political team is so much savvier than the last Administration. You can tell because the stock market went up yesterday, and instead of hanging a sign behind the President saying, "Mission Accomplished", we all just got buttons that say that. Much more elegant and less gaudy. I think they are made of gold.
Huffington Post: You got a button?
FactCheck: These people have the attention span of fruit.
Olbermann: The President is talking about the economy, and how there is much work to be done. Oh, here comes the road and path metaphors. I never get tired of those, because when President Obama uses them, they become less like shopworn, hackneyed phrases, and more like pearls of wisdom dusted in the glitter Michelle uses to highlight her cheekbones. I am inspired enough to devote three or four days of programming to this.
HuffPo: Oh, oh, he's taking questions. Am I on the list? Do I get one?
FactCheck: No, he was not on the list.
Olbermann: I don't think I'm on the list. I missed the noon rehearsal, so I got pulled. Bill Burton is a taskmaster. I got assigned to "podium lifter" duty for a week.
HuffPo: That's why you need to get tight with Rahm and Gibbs. Arianna took care of me. You should meet her. Maybe she can help.
Olbermann: You think? She doesn't mind that I'm paid by a company that is going to accept gobs of stimulus money, and that I will be paid a bonus I have no intention of giving back or having taxed because I put it in an offshore account?
HuffPo: No, if you're part of the team, she'll be glad to help.
Olbermann: I'd really apprecaite the help. I'll be out in LA for my six-month check-up on my eyelash transplant ...
Okay, I think you get the drift. Notice how these people stopped paying attention before the questions started? This is exactly why we love, LOVE, these people. And why Ed Henry of CNN and Jake Tapper of ABC were most definitely not invited to the after-party.