Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Little Golden O's

Everyone seems to think that Big Guy's FDA is going after Cheerios for claiming to cut cholesterol by 10%, but as someone who's been in the strategy meeteings, I can tell you that's not the case at all.

As soon as General Mills, the maker of Cheerios, surrenders their trademark on "O", which will allow us to sell our own "Chocoloate O" cereal, the FDA threat will just go away. It's just part of Big Guy's attempt to make sure our young people eat a complete, nutritious breakfast ... Chicago style.

26 comments:

  1. Can you guys get the rights to Frankenberry and re-brand it for Joey B? That would be awesome.

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  2. Ummm excuse me but I think Frankenberry and Al Franken(stein) belong together!

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  3. Big Guy will leave no O left unturned, TOTUS.

    If the team starts touting the value of "plastic" surgery and enhancing your image...beware! The strong angular set of your jaw may wind up as a "golden O" itself one day. This would be in keeping with that disturbing big O symbol that has been popping up everywhere we look giving us all a severe case of the eebie jeebies.

    Just keep a screen out for Toes carrying a scalpel.

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  4. Or does Toes always carry a scalpel?

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  5. Totus, you are out doing yourself today! However, where does that leave Oprah?

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  6. God only knows what Secret Ingredients the Chocolate O's will contain....
    ("O, how O's make me happy!")

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  7. TOTUS,

    I'd have never guessed that was the issue. We are fortunate to have your "inside" info.

    Now I must protest this outrageous soda pop tax!

    John's Space

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  8. John's space...

    He has to tax the "real thing", because he won't stand for a Coke can getting more street cred than he does.

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  9. Chocolate covered Cheerios? Isn't that a little bit like an oreo?

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  10. Uh oh Totus ... "meeteings"? Did some of your associates let their virus software expire and you were practicing unsafe "sexting"?

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  11. TOTUS:
    Just burn them. You could call them "Charrios", and everybody's happy.

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. If a liberal were a cereal, it would be....

    Puhlosi -- Fruit Loops

    B.O. -- Trix

    Mexine Whutters and Bawhbruh Bawxuh -- Frosted Flakes

    Timmy G. -- Lucky Charms

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  14. Yeah, sounds like the ol' F.D.A. is a liiittle bit bloated -- if they have time to bother with junk like this. (head-shake)

    Don't have enough on their plate so they're sticking their big noses into our cereal bowls. Makes me want to go out and buy 10 boxes of Cheerios.

    How did this insignificant-to-the-point-of- ridiculous matter make it to the top of the docket anyway?!

    I can just hear the pro se plaintiff in front of the ALJ (Administrative Law Judge) now..........................

    P: "Yeah, yer ahnuh, I got proof. My husbantis loyininissgrave becuzah deez Cheerios."

    ALJ: "How did Cheerios cause your husband to die?"

    P: "He ate-em!"

    ALJ: "And what about the 2 million other people who had a bowl of Cheerios this month? Why aren't they dead too?"

    P: "Oh. Well, he wuzonuh... special doyet. He cohldit the 'Cheerios Diet.'"

    ALJ: "Would you kindly elaborate?"

    P: "Ahyaint loyin, yer ahnuh! Ahm not 'elaboratin.' Ahm tellinya the truth. Moyusband ate seven bohllzuhCheerioss ev-er-ee-day. An' he still doyduh hawht failyah."

    ALJ: "How did Cheerios cause his heart to fail?"

    P: "Itwuzonthebox! Cheerios promised thaat if you aytem you'd'avuh healthy hawht. Howwy figyuhd the mowah the bettah.......but he still doyd."

    ALJ: "Please show me that Cheerios box you have in your hands."

    P: "Showah. Heeyah."

    ALJ: "It only says that eating Cheerios will promote heart health. It makes no promise to prevent heart disease."

    P: "But lookatthe kuhlesterohl pawht. Bingow."

    ALJ: "So?"

    P: "Sow?! Sowihzkuhlesterohl wuz through the roof."

    ALJ: "I'm afraid you haven't even made a prima facie case, Mrs. P. I'm going to have to dismiss your case."

    P: "Owyaaa? Wohllahl juss go an have moy friend Bawney Fwank help me. Heezgotcuhnneckshuns. Ahm in Aykohwahn yah now."

    ....... When Fwank pointed out to B.O. that taking over General Mills would be a nice addition to his portfolio, Barry was all ears.

    And, so, here we are.

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  15. Say, waaay back in March, some prescient FOTUS predicted that General Mills would be next (after B.MussoliniO. seized control of GM).

    Nice job whoever it was.

    Was it you HarryIHaveaGift (f.n.a. Barry's Used Cars)?
    ************************************************************************************************************************

    BTW, TOTUS,

    C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-!

    On May 18th, you will have been a blogger extraordinaire for 2 MONTHS or 62 DAYS!

    Your bubbling brook of wit refreshes the weary at an amazing rate of flow. Salute!

    Gratefully yours,

    TWW

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  16. Cheerios, my sweet TOTUS?

    This morning when I saw this photo you put up I thought is was a plate of golden cake donuts. Yum yum.

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  17. TOTUS, I'm waiting for the government to start making Berry O's. They're sweet going down, but give you a bad stomache you'll pay for for many years to come.

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  18. At first I thought that picture was a bunch of peanuts, and then I realized the Jimmy Carter never used a teleprompter.

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  19. LOL! (o:}

    I thought it was a picture of the Dope's brains. Sort of like the "this is your brain," this [above photo] is your brain on drugs" TV ad.

    Hey, even if we don't have brains, with the fried egg in the old TV ad and these Cheerios, we have breakfast!

    Cum an' get it!

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  20. Good point, Celtic.

    Jimmah didn't need to use a TP to create the impression of sincerity (if I don't have to look down at notes, it's coming from my heart -- (eye roll)).

    Jimmy Carter may have been an arrogant, stubborn, fool, but he was a sincere arrogant, stubborn, fool.

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  21. TWW:
    The first time I ever voted was for Jimmy (class of '76). The second time I voted was for Jimmy, too, I was an expat in England at the time. I don't know why I was a dem, except that my parents were democrats, against the evil republicans.

    Then, I found out my Dad had voted for Reagan! He explained that current events had forced a capitalist vs. Socialist election, and how everything had changed, because Carter was a right fool. He demonstrated over a game of monopoloy.

    The only thing that comes to mind now about Jimmy Carter is peanuts and chain saws. I think there may be nothing worse on the planet then an arrogant, stubborn, sincere fool.

    "A sincere fool"

    Has a ring to it, dun' it?

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  22. TOTUS, perhaps just tweaking those Os a bit will balance things out: Fried Cheerios

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  23. Heh, heh. :D

    Well, after all, if one's beliefs are "sincere," most "progressives" would say that gives your beliefs inherent merit. Of course, in the next breath, they'll roundly condemn you with spittle flying for daring to not toe the "party line." Yeah, they are soooo "inclusive." Barf.

    Yeah, I was all for Carter even though I was basically a Republican (Carter was so sincere -- and a "Christian," too-- oh, brother). Not in 1980, though! Reagan all the way.

    You (and your dad) are obviously exceptionally bright. Otherwise, you'd likely have stayed stuck in liberalism for the rest of your life.

    Take care, Betty Ann. You and your family are in my prayers as you count down the days (around 30 now?) until your husband is re-deployed. Peace and strength to you.

    And please thank your husband for ensuring our peace through strength.

    It may be pretty tough having a "Con Man in Chief," but let that inspire all our wonderful U.S. Armed Forces members to rise to the occasion. Together, with their commanders, in spite of having no "chief," they can win the fight to keep America free. Yup. Our military is that GOOD. Hoo-ah!

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