Monday, April 13, 2009

Yo, Ho, Ho

Now that we have the pirate in custody, there has been a lot of talk about what to do with him here at the White House. Some of Big Guy's advisers in the intelligence community were pushing for the bucaneer to be sent to Guantanamo. Others in the national security community were pushing for one of the secret prisons we used after 9/11, and which the New York Times conveniently leaked the locations of.

Big Guy nixed both options. First, he's shut down the not-so-secret prisons. Second, he won't send another Muslim to Guantanamo, not after the video to the Muslims, the speech in Turkey to the Muslims, the bowing and the kissing of the Muslim sheik, and so on. Big O just doesn't think it would look good.

Besides, the pirate is singing like a bird on the navy frigate we have him on. We know locations, strength levels of the pirates, and types of weapsons. What's become clear is that these guys aren't even close to being the threat to anyone al Qaeda is, and we could take them out in a day or two and no one would notice.

But Toes thinks we should keep them around for a while, because as he notes, al Qaeda is George Bush's terrorist group, with these sea-faring numbskulls, "Barry and the Pirates" could be a whole new adventure to capture America' s imagination. And we need counter-programming to "24."


  1. Dude, how come you told Barry to say "privacy" instead of "piracy"? That was just mean.

  2. dear Totus,

    You are a beacon in the night. The news is getting so grim I get all the info I need about this sad state of affairs through your witty prose. Just tap me on the shoulder when it's over and I'll pull my head out of the sand.

  3. TOTUS - since you are in the know, can you please inform?

    Will this be known as the War on Piracy or simply as a Pegleg Contingency Operation?

    As always, your insights are greatly appreciated.

  4. No... This will be known as the War on Privacy :)

  5. TOTUS,
    Per your previous post, I've finally figured out why you'll be bunking with the new dog. You were scrolling when the Big Guy made his statement about continuing the "War On Privacy" weren't you? I'm sure it was just an innocent programming error. Take heart. We still love you.

  6. Will the new movie be titled "Barry and the Privates?" Sounds pretty creepy.

  7. Grab that booty, matey!

  8. Big Guy will have to think of the reaction of the pirate street before taking anymore action. Will he be seeking out moderate pirates?

  9. Perfect sentence for the pirate to be chained to Hillary and forced to listen to cackling all day and forced to massage her cankles every evening.

  10. OMG, Indiana Elephant, now you win the prize so far on this blog post! Absolutely LOL funny! OMG, I'm thinking the pirate captured would be a great guy to take care of our Nation's garden on the WH grounds! Keep up the great work TOTUS, love the War on Privacy! VN8

  11. They're not pirates, they're Merchant Marine Organizers. (courtesy of Rush) I do like the PCO, tho.

  12. Isn't there a spot for the MMO as a deputy sec. of the Navy? How about NCIS? He obviously is adept at not paying taxes and it would be quite a gesture to the immigrant population employment.

  13. At least the Big Guy didn't stand in the way of the Navy doing the job. Anyway the pirates were stupid to let the Navy tow the boat. It gave the SEALs a clear shot.

    John's Space

  14. Re: Captured pirate...I say we hold him for ransom. A few trillion ought to take care of our national needs.

  15. TOTUS,
    I feel safe knowing that you gave the Okay. You realize more than the other admin. officials that for the last 3000 years pirates have had zero rights.

  16. Good one, Steven. Yeah, a few trill oughta do it. Heh, heh, heeeeh.

    Great point, Brooks. What a bunch of smoke and mirrors all that "put a document in front of him to sign" [WHY IN THE WORLD DID THEY WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!] -- 2 times, no less -- crap was. Someday (the sooner the better), I hope the C.O. of the U.S.S. Bainbridge writes his memoirs and tells ALL.

    "Barry and the Pirates." Funny, but sadly true. B. Hussein and his get-rid-of-all-our- nuclear-weapons -- cripple-missile-defense policy will go far beyond Slick Willy's 1/3 reduction in our military capabilities (and more).

    If B.O. gets his way, we'll have the equivalent of a U.S. Navy sailing in privateers, a U.S. Coast Guard firing cannons, a U.S. Army running over hill and dale with blunderbusses yelling "Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgh!," U.S. Marines shoving catapaults into position, and no U.S. Airforce.

    And Barry and the Pirates: Toes, the Axe, Bill "the Weatherman" Ayers, Jumpin' Jeremiah "the Bullfrog" Wright, Tony "the Ripper" Rezko, Giggly (for comic relief), and at the helm, Big Mo, a.k.a. "Grimace" [nice one, Lighthouse]. The Disadvantaged Young Man (a.k.a "pirate") will no doubt be Barry's First Mate -- once he's been promoted from being a private.

    Sorry, TOTUS, you'll be made to walk the plank. Don't worry, though. All us FOTs will be there to catch you.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaack! When will this nightmare end?!

    Lord, help us.

  17. So a Pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel in his pants.
    The Bartender says to the Pirate"What's with the ships wheel in your pants?"
    the Pirate says: " ARRRR it's drivin me nuts!"

    THe Barrack can use that one at next years Corrispondence dinner.

  18. Hi Totus -- Saw that you were mentioned in Andrea Shea King's weekly column up at World Net Daily -- hear you're running a pizza contest?


    ..for you do/will continually provide the humor needed...


  20. TOTUS,
    Recall POTUS laughing up the "gallows humor" on 60 Minutes?
    A chance for more "gallows humor" with the forth pirate...
    I still want my Pirate Speech!

  21. When all of this goes down, it will be written in the history books as The Rogering of America.

  22. TruthWillWin, they will not get rid of the Air Force! Heavens, what are you thinking? They will probably have two, maybe even three, hot air balloons!!

  23. The Mainstream Media is already astroturfing for the Pirates. Did they miss the part where the President authorized the NAVY to take them out?

    The Age of Somalian Pirates is in line with the median age in the country of Somalia 17 years old, the life expectancy is 47 years old for males, that means a 16 year old would be a full grown man in their culture-country - Not the same as in Western culture. So why is our Media using a Western measuring stick for non Western people? Slow, Ignorant, Lazy….

  24. "... the part where ... the NAVY to take them out?" [Keyboard Jockey]. Yeah, KJ, and along those lines, the jubilant return of Captain Phillips and his crew to the U.S. is to be a PRIVATE ceremony. D'oh! hiding behind the skirts of the crew's family members so his DISMISSIVE show of ARROGANCE ["We're here to talk about the economy." B.O. on 4/11/9] isn't called to the public's mind to his detriment.

    And also, so that the TRUTH about the container ship having been "under attack for a week" [First Mate of the Maersk container ship, 4/12/9] and that the U. S. NAVY deserves ALL the credit for the rescue won't surface. Yeah, ol' Dope has his own PRIVATE bunch of "Navy Seals" who are drilling a hole in the bottom of the boat called truth.

    Ha! Guess what? Truth floats.

  25. Marxist "Messiah" B. "I won" O.'s renaming of the United States Armed Forces: "Barry and the Pirates" would be consistent with his other Hitlerian tendencies. Didn't the S.S. use the Skull and Crossbones in their insignia?

    What we need right now in this country is a good mutiny against Captain Queeg in the White House and all the pirates (a.k.a. socialists) in Congreeltkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjmkdlma/oi3wjeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


  26. in back ofvan dark took me takkkkkking me bmpyyy rd sadthr fbii thy wnt brrrkkkk mmeee lbty r dethhhhh mor ltr tww

  27. Me thinks the whole "We just got a puppy" thing was a fall back in case the pirate thing went sour.

    I was playing with the new puppy and they (the rogue Navy Seals) did it behind my back-"
    finger up in the air
    "Those responsible for this unlawful act will be held responsible"
    turn to opposite side
    "...and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law"
    turn straight at middle camera
    "The United States has not."
    "..and will not"
    shift to deeper tone of voice and put serious look on face
    "...tolerate such criminal acts from their Armed Services"


  28. Aye!

    Eloquent statement of the despicable truth, aoolda.

  29. Oh, Lady Gray, thank you for that. Whew! We WILL have air support after all. "We'll be there in a couple of weeks, captain!" Ha, ha ............ waaaaaaaaaaa!

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