Friday, April 10, 2009

Ahoy, There

Big Gug has entered into direct negotiations with the Somali pirates. It's been tense. Given that our national security and CIA analysts believe the pirates are entreprenurial, Big O is offering them stimulus money to let the U.S. captain free. Unfortunately, the pirates aren't biting.

Pirate leadership is pointing out that they would surrender too much control of their pirate empire to the federal government, and they don't want Timmy Terrific or Big Guy to have firing power over their leadership. They also don't believe the U.S. doesn't have the cash to pay off the ransom. When Big O offered to meet with them face to face, they said that charm doesn't pay the bills and hung up. Man, these guys are a tough audience.

30 comments:

  1. Has Big Guy tried the "bow" yet? That gets 'em every time.

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  2. They probably could have gotten a bow out of Obama--I'm surprised they didn't want to meet him.

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  3. Seen this??? http://theconservativecomeback.blogspot.com/2009/04/breaking-news.html

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  4. I suspect the pirates heard the Big Guy's campaign promises to share the wealth. Why take stimulus money and give up control when that really nice Navy ship is sitting right there? I think they're holding out, waiting for the Big Guy to share part of "his" fleet with them. TOTUS, better tell him the sharing of the wealth is another campaign promise he is going to have to break.

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  5. Uuummmmm.....that was hilarious.


    http://theconservativegardener.blogspot.com/

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  6. Maybe POTUS can offer these guys a position in the treasury department. Then they could funnel as mcuh cash as they wanted to their pirate buddies in Somolia. I hear they have quite a few seats to fill at the treasury and are having problems getting qualified candidates. Don't want to pay taxes. No problem.

    NoLeftTurnAmerica

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  7. The pirates have a point. Pretty soon our money will be no good. They should ask to be paid in douboons...if they still make them.
    Ho, Ho, Ho, and a bottle of rum...oops they're Muslims.

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  8. It pains me to say this, but I think we should send in the French.

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  9. TOTUS, brilliant! Even the Big Gug (sic) has to laugh at this! Do you show this blog to him?

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  10. Now we know why Mrs. Sarkozy didn't kiss Big Guy; she's obviously more of a man that he is and isn't into guy on guy action.

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  11. Maybe we could offer them a free GM car, tax free. Then they might stay out of the waters. We can also offer them TurboTax Timmy's services on how to stimulate their economy. It seems to be working for us.

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  12. Big Guy could invite the pirates to live in America where they could get gov't handouts so they wouldn't have to do the hard and dangerous job of capturing ships in non USCG-approved vessels. Move them to FL maybe in all those empty condos.

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  13. TOTUS,
    Teleprompters can't BOW!?!

    http://perceptionasreality.blogspot.com/

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  14. Charm may not pay the bills, but bulk-packs of monopoly money will do after the dollar collapses. Thanks, Timmy!

    -AOP

    ageofpericles.blogspot.com

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  15. AHHHH it is OBVIOUS that the Somali pirates are FORMER "ACORN" members...they have all the shake down and intimidation "community organizing skills" down to a "T".

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  16. TOTUS,

    I have a great idea to put on your screens for the Big Guy...the solution to the pirate standoff. Send a navy seal scub gear over to the boat and drill a hole in the bottom. It will slowly sink and the pirates and the hostage will be in the water shortly. They will have to drop there AKs to be able to swim then we just pick them up.

    John's Space

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  17. I don't see what the issue is - the pirates are simply doing the job Americans won't do.

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  18. Maybe Barry could apologize on behalf of our free commerce practices for "dirtying up the waters" with our boats. Tool.

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  19. In direct negotiations, the Big One should lease an out-rigger so that he can place TOTUS on either side of him, while he stands/bows/negoatiates in the middle boat.

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  20. That's IT!!! TOTUS, man. The reason why our Navy has not taken care of this already- You aren't there to help the BG show those pirates who is really boss- THE USA! i know, the BG has a real problem showing our ass and stuff, but I know you don't, and he always says or does exactly what is on your screens. GO!! Go Now! The USA is beginning to look like the Euro-weenies!

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  21. Thanks for saying what I want to say in such a humorous fashion ... You TOTUS, are my lifeline to sanity these days ....

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  22. Give the pirates Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barney Frank in exchange for all hostages. After 3 days, no more than a week, the pirates will be begging us to take those three back and probably leave all ships flying American Flags alone if they think those stooges represent America.

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  23. TOTUS, I think you should go over there and handle the negotiations. I'm just afraid the Big Guy will go all Johnny Depp and ruin it.

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  24. TOTUS; I've bought an FOT tee shirt to go with my IDF hoodie. Can't wait for the neighbor to pick a fight.

    But about BO and the pirate negotiations - perhaps if he began by apologizing for the embarrassment the US caused Somalia when they were forced to drag an army ranger, naked of all things, through the streets? Or for the dastardly way Americans boycotted Tyson when they decided to forego labor day in favor of the 20% of Somalian employees celebrating Ramadan?

    sigh.

    So much to apologize for. I'm sure you can think of something for him to grovel about, Soros and the Pinkies do so love it when he does that! Just an idea.

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  25. Just project a message on your screens directing Him to order the Navy to blow the Pirate's ships out of the water. All of them.

    Since he can't do anything without you, he will finally do the right thing and even take the credit for it!

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  26. Perhaps teleprompters will be needed by performers at the upcoming "LIVE RAID" concerts to benefit the Somali pirates. I nominate you, TOTUS!

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