Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Oops ... We Did It Again

After meeting with the British Prime Minister (note to staff, he does NOT like to be called Gordo, apparently), Big Guy got some bad news from across the pond.

Seems one of TATUS's nominees to be a deputy Treasury Secretary has skeletons in his closet that the vetting team didn't tell The Boss about. Beyond the 15 skeletons, it also turns out he was the mastermind behind the home mortgage plan a decade ago that has us in this economic mess today. Combined, those two facts should make him unconfirmable. You'd think.

But we look at these things a bit differently here in the Obama Administration. See, thanks to this embarrassing ovesight by our team, we now know that Neal Wolin has a killer's instinct, perfect for a Treasury Secretary incapable of not looking like a deranged killer in official photos. And who will want to cross him on policy differences? And who better to fix the financial disaster that was created, than the man who created it?

Frankly, with this kind of impressive resume, I'm surprised we aren't giving Wolin a more important job in our Administration. I'd be shocked if he isn't confirmed by unanimous consent.


  1. Neil Cavuto on Imus in the Morning we should be following the Swedish Model:)

    Neil Cavuto SAABing to Imus.

  2. Oops, we did it again:

    Obama's Gift to the Queen [Jonah Goldberg]

    This just in:

    Diplomatic jaws dropped across the continent yesterday when it was revealed that U.S. President Barack Obama had, once again, fumbled a routine protocal of international statecraft: finding the right gift for a foreign leader or head of state. In a private ceremony with Queen Elizabeth, Her Royal Highness bequeathed to the Obamas one of the earliest known copies of William Shakespeare's Henry V. She also presented him with the framed orginal sheet music of John Newton's "Amazing Grace." To the Obama daughters, the Queen gave a dollhouse-sized replica of Windsor Castle with a functioning train station in the year of the compound. They also received a prize Shetland pony. Mrs. Obama was given a ruby ring commissioned and worn by Queen Victoria.

    The Obamas, unfortunately, did not seem prepared for the occasion despite the row set off by the exchange of gifts between Prime Minister Brown and the U.S. President barely a month ago. Mr. Obama rather unceremoniously handed the Queen a shopping bag from the Duty Free shop at Heathrow airport. It contained a signed paperback copy of Dreams of My Father, purchased at the WH Smith shop at the airport, a bottle of Johnny Walker Scotch (black label), a CD of the Swedish band ABBA's greatest hits (still in shrink wrap with a 2-for-1 sticker on it) and ten bags of M&Ms with the presidential seal on them.

    The Queen responded in a rather flat: "How delightful."

  3. Wow. That Goldberg fellow is hysterical. Wonder who writes his stuff.

  4. Bethesda, Md. -- Doctors were said to be treating President Barack Obama at Bethesda Naval Hospital today for exhaustion and possible vocal cord injuries after a freak television accident occurred at the White House Tuesday evening.

    According to a statement read by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, President Obama, noted for his near total dependence on the teleprompter when speaking, was leaving a practice session for an upcoming press conference when he happened upon a muted television set near the White House Briefing Room on which someone had activated the “closed captioning” function.

    “Apparently, Mr. Obama mistook the captioning for his new flat screen teleprompter and began reading the text aloud,” Gibbs said. Gibbs stated that “what followed was a tragic marathon speaking session that lasted for nearly 14 hours before staff discovered Obama and disconnected the device.”

    The President’s accidental filibuster was said to have included a 2-hour episode of “The Biggest Loser,” a much anticipated “Law and Order: Special Victim’s Unit,” the local evening news, and a late night paid infomercial for “natural male enhancement.” The press later described Obama’s reading of the captioning as “eloquent” (New York Times), “historic” (CNN), and “emotionally moving” (Newsweek).

    This event comes on the heels of several embarrassing teleprompter gaffes by Obama, including one in which he thanked himself for being invited to the United States when he accidentally read the teleprompter text intended for the visiting Prime Minister of Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day, his repeated mispronunciation of the written word “Orion” at an event for Orion Energy in Milwaukee (staff had apparently neglected to spell it phonetically on his teleprompter), a little reported campaign event in which Obama’s thoughts disappeared with his flickering teleprompter image, and a news conference in which Obama responded to complaints about his addiction to the teleprompter blocking the view of photographers by having a giant flat screen TV installed on the back wall and reading his thoughts from that.

    When asked for an explanation of how such an event could occur to the President of the United States, Gibbs responded, “That’s a good question. We’re investigating now. How anyone could leave the closed captioning on like that is just inexplicable. The White House staff should know better by now.”

    A source at Bethesda Naval Hospital, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the President was doing fine, but was “quite hoarse” and getting some much needed rest ever since doctors turned the screen on his heart monitor around so that he couldn’t read it anymore. “Before that he just kept saying ‘Heart rate 98, Heart rate 97, Heart rate 98…’” the source said, adding, “It was kind of weird, but since we removed that he’s been OK. Although I’d hate to see what would happen to this guy if someone accidentally left him alone in the room with the crawler on the Fox News Channel."

    Another source at the hospital commented that Obama’s dependence on the teleprompter was predictable given his earlier self-admitted addiction to his Blackberry, or “Crackberry,” as it is popularly known. “Those Blackberrys are like a gateway drug,” the source said. He added, “First you’re getting your jokes and ideas from that apparently harmless little toy, and the next thing you know, you can’t even speak like an adult unless someone feeds you your thoughts word for word on a giant television monitor hung right in front of your face. It’s sad -- just sad.”

    “Oh, and Happy April Fools’ Day.”

  5. Totus2012!!

  6. Rush just said that BO brought 12 teleprompters with him. Some might be decoy prompters. He is going to try to confirm this.
    So, expect a call. Maybe, TOTUS, you can talk to Rush off the record and fill us in.

  7. National Naval Bethesda wouldn't touch His Teleprompterness with a ten foot pole.

  8. Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

    Bravo! Brava! Jonah Goldberg and Jessie Eickman (and, as always, TOTUS). Thank you for your wonderfully witty and entertaining (and insightful) pieces above.

    This blog is so cool!

    Re: TOTUS' blog above, "You'd think." YOU would think. D'oh! just emotes. I take that back. He doesn't emote (you couldn't get more deadpan than that ex(?)-cocaine addict). B.O. just reads. That's all. Reader of the Free World [I think blogger RushRepub coined that].

  9. Barry's Used Cars (ha, ha, haaa) --

    Here's a Personal Ad I saw addressed to you yesterday. Baby! How's it goin', yo? Selling lots of Chevy's? Repo Rahm bringin' 'em back? Congratulations on finally finding a job that is YOU, Soetoro. I always said you could sell anything. Spread a little of that wealth my way, son. Your "Crazy Uncle"