Tuesday, April 28, 2009

New Name, Same Sickening Feeling

Bruno, our DHS secretary, just stuck his head into the Oval to say that he had solved the Swine Flu epidemic. In fact, Swine Flu no longer exists ... because he and his branding specialists, who are still under contract at Homeland, renamed it.

From now on, all government officials will refer to the pandemic as a "Porcine-induced Disaster."

Now some of you will scoff at this, but keep in mind the next best suggestions came from Joe Biden. In a speech tonight, he wanted to call the Porcine-induced Disasters either "The Squeeler from Tequiler" or "Montezuma's Revenge Part Dos."

29 comments:

  1. OMG Totus, you are toooooooo funny!!! LOL Joe Biden, what a card! And God, er, ah, I mean -- The One! -- knows we need a good laugh about now. Totus, Big Guy is just amazing.

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  2. Arnold Swartzenegger sugested, the "Asta La Vista Baby Flu", but was quickly dismissed as being self promoting...

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  3. Ahhh Totus... I shall sleep well tonight knowing that the Swine Flu epidemic has been solved...and in less than 100 days!!!!

    Totus... between you and me.... I'm so glad I didn't vote for Bush this time! :)

    Let the Good Times Scroll!

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  4. Oh TOTUS, you know very well that Bruno is female!

    It's TOES we're not too sure about....

    Yes, well, the Swine Flu is already in Stage 6, but of course The Economy won't allow W.H.O. to tell the truth.

    So, have you met The Economy, TOTUS? Where does he hide all those credit cards?

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  5. OHDANG! and i voted for "bacon blues".

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  6. Oh, TOTUS, you know Bruno's cure for the Piggy Flu is Sebelius' fast track confirmation.

    They're rushing her through (suspiciously like they did the stimulus).

    Now that she's a snort-in, this crisis will mysteriously disappear and a new one will come along to usher in Team O's next lefty plan.

    Oh goody...I can't wait, TOTUS. What do you think that will be?

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  7. We just CAN'T send those illegal immigrants, the "undocumenteds," back to Mexico now....

    Amnesty via a virus.

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  8. TOTUS, I LOVE how you refer to Bruno as "he." Perfect.

    HILARIOUS!!!!

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  9. TOTUS,
    How are you preparing for tomorrow night's big read through? I hear FOX is going with their regularly scheduled programming instead of the Big 0's presser. Ouch! Well, just because I won't be watching doesn't mean I won't be thinking of you. I hope Big 0 doesn't bring out the jumbrotron scroller. Not your best look.

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  10. Imageremix,

    ..."you know Bruno's cure for the Piggy Flu is Sibelius' fast track confirmation."

    Wasn't Sibelius another that hadn't coughed up all her taxes? Is the whole new administration infected with this blight, or do they just try to make the newcomers feel comfortable?

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  11. why did america get swine flu- cause there was too much pork in the stimulus bill.....

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  12. TOTUS, please e-mail me at susanunpc at gmail dot com. We at NoQuarterUSA.net have a special invitation for you.

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  13. Dear TOTUS and COMMENTS: The tears are rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard.

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  14. Who ever heard of a flu epidemic in the later spring or summer. This will be series of limited outbreaks. But, this fall and winter will likely be a whole different matter.

    John's Space

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  15. TOTUS, I feel so bad for you. Some bloggers on other links are calling you "teledumpster" because we never know what garbage will come out of HIS mouth. Sneak in something of your own like "tim the tax cheat" or "that was stupid about the flyover in NY". I'm sure HE will read it.........

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  16. I've had a sickening feeling since January 20th. Oink oink.

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  17. Good one, Jonathan. Hee, hee, haawwww!

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  18. What happened spring chicken, did you read through all of the porkulus bill? Guess it would have taken about this long. Seeing all of those greed clauses in there would be enough to make anyone ill.

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  19. Good Morning Mr TOTUS!

    Hope you are well rested and ready for tonight.

    Do you get a special pre-game meal or something?

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  20. totus i wonder if you are like me and have worried biden has mad cow! since his loose tongue would indicate he may be "losing" his marbles!!

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  21. "The Squeeler from Tequiler"

    Stunningly hilarious TOTUS. You made my week.

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  22. The World Health Organization raised its global alert level on the spreading swine flu virus Monday, but stopped short of declaring a global ...on swine flu worldwide

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  23. Thanks for this. I needed a good laugh! What a bunch of "hams"! ha ha!

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