Tuesday, April 28, 2009

New Name, Same Sickening Feeling

Bruno, our DHS secretary, just stuck his head into the Oval to say that he had solved the Swine Flu epidemic. In fact, Swine Flu no longer exists ... because he and his branding specialists, who are still under contract at Homeland, renamed it.

From now on, all government officials will refer to the pandemic as a "Porcine-induced Disaster."

Now some of you will scoff at this, but keep in mind the next best suggestions came from Joe Biden. In a speech tonight, he wanted to call the Porcine-induced Disasters either "The Squeeler from Tequiler" or "Montezuma's Revenge Part Dos."
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22 comments:

  1. Sunflower RanchApril 28, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    OMG Totus, you are toooooooo funny!!! LOL Joe Biden, what a card! And God, er, ah, I mean -- The One! -- knows we need a good laugh about now. Totus, Big Guy is just amazing.

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  2. sstewartApril 28, 2009 at 3:45 PM

    Arnold Swartzenegger sugested, the "Asta La Vista Baby Flu", but was quickly dismissed as being self promoting...

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  3. Chevy RevolutionApril 28, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    Ahhh Totus... I shall sleep well tonight knowing that the Swine Flu epidemic has been solved...and in less than 100 days!!!!

    Totus... between you and me.... I'm so glad I didn't vote for Bush this time! :)

    Let the Good Times Scroll!

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  4. Mountain MamaApril 28, 2009 at 4:08 PM

    Oh TOTUS, you know very well that Bruno is female!

    It's TOES we're not too sure about....

    Yes, well, the Swine Flu is already in Stage 6, but of course The Economy won't allow W.H.O. to tell the truth.

    So, have you met The Economy, TOTUS? Where does he hide all those credit cards?

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  5. nancApril 28, 2009 at 4:28 PM

    OHDANG! and i voted for "bacon blues".

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  6. Liz @ Quirky VistasApril 28, 2009 at 4:41 PM

    Oh, TOTUS, you know Bruno's cure for the Piggy Flu is Sebelius' fast track confirmation.

    They're rushing her through (suspiciously like they did the stimulus).

    Now that she's a snort-in, this crisis will mysteriously disappear and a new one will come along to usher in Team O's next lefty plan.

    Oh goody...I can't wait, TOTUS. What do you think that will be?

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  7. TruthWillWinApril 28, 2009 at 4:56 PM

    TOTUS, I LOVE how you refer to Bruno as "he." Perfect.

    HILARIOUS!!!!

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  8. LighthouseApril 28, 2009 at 5:31 PM

    TOTUS,
    How are you preparing for tomorrow night's big read through? I hear FOX is going with their regularly scheduled programming instead of the Big 0's presser. Ouch! Well, just because I won't be watching doesn't mean I won't be thinking of you. I hope Big 0 doesn't bring out the jumbrotron scroller. Not your best look.

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  9. freeUSAApril 28, 2009 at 6:01 PM

    Imageremix,

    ..."you know Bruno's cure for the Piggy Flu is Sibelius' fast track confirmation."

    Wasn't Sibelius another that hadn't coughed up all her taxes? Is the whole new administration infected with this blight, or do they just try to make the newcomers feel comfortable?

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  10. UnknownApril 28, 2009 at 6:05 PM

    why did america get swine flu- cause there was too much pork in the stimulus bill.....

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  11. AnonymousApril 28, 2009 at 6:28 PM

    TOTUS, please e-mail me at susanunpc at gmail dot com. We at NoQuarterUSA.net have a special invitation for you.

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  12. betsyApril 28, 2009 at 6:29 PM

    Dear TOTUS and COMMENTS: The tears are rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard.

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  13. John's SpaceApril 28, 2009 at 6:30 PM

    Who ever heard of a flu epidemic in the later spring or summer. This will be series of limited outbreaks. But, this fall and winter will likely be a whole different matter.

    John's Space

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  14. SunflowerApril 28, 2009 at 7:04 PM

    TOTUS, I feel so bad for you. Some bloggers on other links are calling you "teledumpster" because we never know what garbage will come out of HIS mouth. Sneak in something of your own like "tim the tax cheat" or "that was stupid about the flyover in NY". I'm sure HE will read it.........

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  15. springchicken61April 28, 2009 at 9:00 PM

    I've had a sickening feeling since January 20th. Oink oink.

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  16. TruthWillWinApril 28, 2009 at 9:09 PM

    Good one, Jonathan. Hee, hee, haawwww!

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  17. freeUSAApril 28, 2009 at 10:02 PM

    What happened spring chicken, did you read through all of the porkulus bill? Guess it would have taken about this long. Seeing all of those greed clauses in there would be enough to make anyone ill.

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  18. moiApril 29, 2009 at 3:13 AM

    Good Morning Mr TOTUS!

    Hope you are well rested and ready for tonight.

    Do you get a special pre-game meal or something?

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  19. Pat JenkinsApril 29, 2009 at 3:56 AM

    totus i wonder if you are like me and have worried biden has mad cow! since his loose tongue would indicate he may be "losing" his marbles!!

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  20. AnonymousApril 29, 2009 at 6:52 AM

    "The Squeeler from Tequiler"

    Stunningly hilarious TOTUS. You made my week.

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  21. pittypatpages.blogspot.comApril 29, 2009 at 7:19 PM

    Thanks for this. I needed a good laugh! What a bunch of "hams"! ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousJuly 19, 2010 at 9:35 AM

    Discount Online Drug Stores

    ReplyDelete

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