Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Little Too Close To Home

Earlier today, some of us who have been around Big Guy for more than four years - that means about four of us - were pulled into an emergency meeting. It seems that Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr., is under investigation by the Office of Congressional Ethics, which is looking into JJ's relationship and communications with Rod Blagojevich, who was helping Big Guy and Axelrod move Big O's Senate seat at cost to the highest bidder. Or something like that, I don't really understand Chicago politics.

And apparently neither does Jackson, because he's cooperating with the investigation. See, where Big Guy and I come from in Chicago, no one "cooperates." There were times when Big Guy and I would walking the streets of Gresham and Englewood, with him lugging around my screens, our extension cord, and a backpack of walking-around money from ACORN, when we'd get stopped by law enforcement and asked about so-and-so person of interest, or why Big O was carrying around a teleprompter and $10,000 in cash. We never cracked. Not once. And the community respected us for it.

I'm not questioning JJ's loyalty, but I am questioning his intelligence. I don't see how he could have misunderstood that 20-pound dead salmon wrapped in the Chicago Sun-Times Rahm left for him in his House office yesterday.


  1. is TOTUS..the true AI??..

    (AI == Artificial Intelligence) ???

    ..this human wants to know!..and checks daily for the next diopter-silicon revelation...

  2. I don't see how he would get the message when he gets the dead fish!

    John's Space

    P.S. I answer to the charge that the Big O was bowing to the King of Saudi Arabia is that he just had a stomach cramp. Try that one out TOTUS.

  3. I certainly hope that dead salmon that Toes sent to JCube was farm raised, I'd hate to see him depleting the already endangered wild salmon runs to send some sort of Omerta/Mob like message....and besides, wouldn't a vegetarian alternative like sustainably harvested soy made into a Tofurky Loaf wrapped in the local paper be just as effective a threat??

  4. uhh..a bow by our duly-elected a "saudi" king..

    ..uhh..O, says it is not so...
    White House: No bow to Saudi


    obviously, the american public needs TOTUS more than ever..for MSM will never report objectively..

    that is why we need TOTUS: objective diopter-silicon TRUTH!!!

  5. maybe he bowed because he was choking on a peanut....

  6. The Reverend Jessie Jackson FOX news interview:

    "Baracks been talking down to black people, I wanna cut his nuts out".

    Castration, informant, immunity =

    Jessie Jackson Jr.

  7. TOTUS, you looked absolutely fabulous in Turkey within that white hall. I would say it was elegant singularity except for the fact that there were two...


  9. Funniest Teleprompter on the planet!!!

  10. TOTUS, I'm worried about this investigation. Hope you have a good firewall. JJjr. may sing like a bird and then BO will take you down with him - tell them it was all your plan and you were the mastermind.

    By the way, which passport did Big Guy use on his recent trip?

  11. Oh, Indiana Elephant, you're ALWAYS thinking about peanuts. [Good one - ha.]

    O'Reilly [there was nothing else on!] tonight said in passing that perhaps B.O. had "just dropped a nickel." Bah, ha, haaa. Seriously, that Saud dude probably dropped a Benjamin Franklin. B. Hussein will claim that he was just doing his patriotic duty, catching old Ben before he hit the floor.

    Yeah, Alan, it's incredible. After watching over and over (on Fox, of course) B. Hussein bow from the waist until his head was below Saud's chin, the White House sounds pathetic. Baghdad Bob syndrome strikes again. B. Hussein had his head in that Muslim third world sand so long he's apparently forgotten [why else would he talk about American Indians!!] that we cowboys here in the U.S. have TV.

  12. The bow was legit, you could see it in the "knee bend".

    "Lets see that again in instant replay".

    Did Mr. Towel Head, Pizza Hut table cloth, radical Islam guy present Barry with a pan pizza for sniffing his crotch?

    I bet Barry saves the left overs for the new dog, a global warming present.

  13. Careful TOTUS, Big Guy might throw you under the bus!!! You ready to take one for the team?

    Off to vote for doggy name....

  14. I was thinking that something was fishy about "Senate Candidate Number 5." Thanks for the behind the scenes info TOTUS!

  15. Totus...

    Huge Fan!!!

    One possible suggestion for your coffee mugs...

    I so wanted to buy one to piss off the coffee house crowd, but didn't see any in your store.


  16. TOTUS,
    I love your motto;
    "Because words are easier than actions..."

  17. Hey TOTUS, "Obama declines comment on US hostage crisis off Somalia."

    Is something up, or are you running late on what you want him to say?

  18. TOTUS, where are you? I sure hope Toes didn't find out about the blog, and has taken you to an undisclosed location.

    Perhaps it was just time for your 100 day tuneup. Whatever you do, stay out of Marcy Park. We don't want to start reading about Chicagocides.